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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Aug the 3rd 2009
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Brain For Sale |
| A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs \$10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs \$15,000. Here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs \$50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Getting In An Accident |
A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.
Just look at our cars.
There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.
This must be a sign from God!"
Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.
This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!
Here's another miracle!
My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.
Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement.
The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.
The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Liver and cheese.... |
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. They're speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.
Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words "liver" and "cheese" together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."
The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever." She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said "How well can you do?"
"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.
"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence." She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"
The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in finesse, is the Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says: "Liver alone. Cheese mine." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I’m hurting all over my body."
"That’s odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, "You’re not a natural brunette are you?"
"No I’m a blonde", she replies.
"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Confucius say: Woman wear three kinds of ring . . . the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffeRing. |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 7.4/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Lost at Sea?
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Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course."
"Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?"
"Of course."
"Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?"
"Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque."
"Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.9/10 (9 votes cast) |
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The Cure |
| Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A man goes to his doctor and says, ''Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem.'' The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him an ointment to rub on the problem area. ''It's all cleared up!'' the man reports when he returns. ''But what was that medication you gave me?'' ''Lipstick remover.''
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.4/10 (9 votes cast) |
Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?
A. Jell-o! |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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