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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Aug the 12th 2009
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Beer Goggles |
| Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joes curiosity got the best of him.
He leaned over to the guy and said, Excuse me, I couldnt help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?
The man replied, Theres a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin good, Im headin home! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Blonde Car Crash |
| As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff
asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I
looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I
saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was
another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I
don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even
resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air
freshener." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Low Self-esteem |
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Strange... |
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
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| A nun and a huge man were standing in an elevator. Being the nice person that she was, she looked over at him, smiled, and said "T.G.I.F." He looked back at her and said "S.H.I.T." The nun was shocked. She turned to the man and said "There was no need to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Friday." The man looked back at her and said, "Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was Sorry Honey, it's Thursday." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Looking Heavenward
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The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it.
She went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial.
After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Golf Nut |
| Ed and Dorothy met while on vacation and Ed fell head over heels in
love with her. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.4/10 (7 votes cast) |
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
--Jerry Seinfeld |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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