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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Aug the 16th 2009
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Breaking the News is Worth a Beer |
| Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.
After the coroner leaves with Steves body, Bob volunteers to inform Steves wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.
Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?
Steves wife gave it to me!
What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?
Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steves widow. And, she said she wasnt, so I said Id bet her a six-pack she was! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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dancing duck |
| A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for \$10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
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Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Request Before Death |
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| What do you say if someone tries to steal your gate?
Nothing, he might take a fence.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Which bus... |
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you. "You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Shoot, I'm on the wrong bus!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Political wisdom
1) Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
2) I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
- Winston Churchill
3) A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw
4) A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
- G Gordon Liddy
5) Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting, On what to have for dinner.
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
6) Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
7) Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
8) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
9) Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few Short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
- Ronald Reagan (1986)
10) I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers
11) If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
- P.J. O'Rourke
12) In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
- Voltaire (1764)
13) Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
- Pericles (430 B.C.)
14) No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
- Mark Twain (1866)
15) Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it.
- Unknown
17) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill
18) The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
- Mark Twain
19) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
21) What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
- Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
22) A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
- Thomas Jefferson |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look. I'm a grad student. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Pregnant |
| The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the
driveway jumping for joy! I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly
but I thought, "What the heck," and I starting jumping up and down
along with her. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
The General Managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (NewSouth Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria) and Coopers (South Australia) were at a national beer conference.
They decide to all go to lunch together and the waitress asks what they want to drink.
The General Manager of Tooheys says without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."
The General Manager of Cascade smiles and says, "I'll have a Cascade Draught, brewed from pure mountain water."
The General Manager of Coopers proudly says, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."
The bloke from XXXX says, "I'll have a XXXX, the cleanest beer on the planet."
The General Manager from Carlton glances at his lunch mates and says, "I'll have a Diet Coke."
The others look at him like he has sprouted a new head.
He just shrugs and says, "Well if you poofters aren't drinking beer, then neither will I." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.9/10 (9 votes cast) |
| You don't need an epidural! Just relax and enjoy the moment. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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