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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Aug the 24th 2009
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Take Off My Clothes |
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Program |
| PROGRAM (pro'-gram)
[n] A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages.
[v] To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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What Should They Get? |
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| THREE tortoises, Jim, Ray and Geoff, go for a picnic ten miles from home. It takes ten days to get there, and they find they've forgotten the bottle opener. Jim and Ray ask Geoff to fetch it.
"No way!" says Geoff. "When I go you'll eat my sandwiches."
They promise not to, so off Geoff goes.
Ten days pass, and he's not back. 20 days pass, and he's stll not back . . . Jim and Ray are starving, but still don't eat the sandwiches . . .
25 days pass and Ray says: "We'll starve if we dont eat!" So they start to eat the sandwiches.
Geoff jumps out from behind a rock and shouts: "I knew it, you liars! I'm not going now!"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Grandpa, can you...? |
A little girl said, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
"Why sure you can," her grandfather replied.
As she sat on her grandfather's lap she said, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl said, "Grandpa, will you please, please make a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her grandfather said, "Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
And the little girl said, "Because Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Florida!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
"Plans are being made to replace Dick Cheney if and when it ever becomes necessary. They have to plan for this kind of stuff, you know, Cheney had what, a stent, put in his artery to keep it open, had a defibrillator with batteries implanted in his chest. I think they've already started replacing him, piece by piece." -- Jay Leno
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Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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| Paybacks are a ... A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, making out. As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge \$20 for sex. The guy reluctantly paid her, and they went on with their business. After they finished, the guy lit up a cigarette, sat back in the driver's seat and stared out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is \$25." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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What Do You Call a Dead Atheist?
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Q: What do you call a dead atheist?
A: Someone all dressed up with nowhere to go!
- Shared by Beliefnet member Sharohio
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car to the gas station?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
| A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!" |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Balance |
| God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found
him, resting on the seventh day. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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