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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Aug the 26th 2009
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Pea Soup vs. Roast Beef |
Q: Whats the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Silence |
| Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You can speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but moan since you've been here."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 53 |
This is Walter Cronkite. Bren's not here right now. He's out on a date. The idea of Bren entertaining a girl with his basketball theories and computer knowledge over dinner at Taco Bell should scare the hell out of you. He'll probably be home soon, so leave your name and number and he'll call you back. Deal with it.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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| THREE tortoises, Jim, Ray and Geoff, go for a picnic ten miles from home. It takes ten days to get there, and they find they've forgotten the bottle opener. Jim and Ray ask Geoff to fetch it.
"No way!" says Geoff. "When I go you'll eat my sandwiches."
They promise not to, so off Geoff goes.
Ten days pass, and he's not back. 20 days pass, and he's stll not back . . . Jim and Ray are starving, but still don't eat the sandwiches . . .
25 days pass and Ray says: "We'll starve if we dont eat!" So they start to eat the sandwiches.
Geoff jumps out from behind a rock and shouts: "I knew it, you liars! I'm not going now!"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Under the kilt... |
The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.
After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'.
The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am, its all in perfect working order'. |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
While I was "flying down the road yesterday, at a measly 4 miles over the limit, I passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side laying in wait.
The traffic officer pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah" said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.
The officer stammered, "What? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand into a rectum. Then, I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about six feet wide."
"And what the hell do you do with a six foot ass hole?" asked the cop.
I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."
Traffic Ticket: \$95.00
Court Costs: \$45.00
The look on the Cop's Face: PRICELESS! |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Why do men like blonde jokes?? Because they can understand them. |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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How Many Witches. . .
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Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Into what? |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Hero and the Media |
| A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
How do you sink an Australian submarine?
Knock on the window
Did you hear about the Australian shoplifter?
He was found crushed beneath the local supermarket.
An Australian was asked to donate to the church reroofing fund. So he gave some of the lead back
More to come! |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.1/10 (9 votes cast) |
| The economy is getting so bad; the other day my ATM gave me an IOU. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 4.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
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Travel photos
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Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day
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