Jokes of the day for Friday, 04 September 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 04 September 2009
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Rating: 9.5/10 (80)

Happy New Year 2021!! Happy New Year 2021

Negligee

A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
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Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

Religious Bumper Stickers
...

Religious Bumper Stickers

Jesus Saves, Gretzky Scores!

Jesus is coming, look busy!

If God is your copilot, better change seats!

I believe in the big bang theory, God spoke and bang it happened.

If God created man in His image. Then what's wrong with you?

If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right.

I get along with God just fine. It's his followers that I can't stand.

I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

Heaven is a lonely place. Everybody thinks they're the only one going!

Caution: Non Exposure to the Son will cause burning!

Hell... Don't even go there

Welcome to eternity... will that be smoking or non smoking?

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school.

The problem with religious texts is that the answers aren't in the back, either.

Militant Agnostic - I don't know and you don't either!

O Lord, Save Me From Your followers.

Wanna come for a drive? It'll scare the hell out of you!

Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly.
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Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (9)

Sales Help

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Why yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some lingerie."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Knock Knock Collection 046


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dennis!
Dennis who?
Dennis says I need to have a tooth out!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Denise!
Denise who?
Denise are above your ankles!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Denver!
Denver who?
Denver the good old days!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Desi!
Desi who?
Desi'gnated hitter!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Desiree!
Desiree who?
Desiree a ray of sunshine in my life...!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

You might be a redneck if 56

You might be a reneck if...

The neighborhood dogs are afraid to come around your house because the fowl are big enough to hurt them.

You have ever had to climb up on the roof of an out building to get down any fowl that was frozen to the roof.

You have ever worried more about the outbuildings freezing than your vehicles.

You have ever had deer graze in your front yard close enough to the house that you could throw a rock and hit them.

You have ever dug up your driveway to fix your water line.

You have ever had to get up quickly in the morning in order to let the goat out before she dropped raisins on the kitchen floor.

Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.

Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.

You have to stop a leak in your flatbottom boat with gum and chewing tobacco.

You have to pay your hair care professional in weekly installments of $3.00.

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Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 17, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 33, 36, 37, 49) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Let Them Eat Homework

Whyd the boy eat his homework? His teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (2)

“I’d like to order a bar piz...

“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.52/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (25)

Seen on the door of a music sh...

Seen on the door of a music shop: "Gone Chopin with my Liszt. Bach at 2pm. Offenbach sooner."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

In the courtroom the judge is ...

In the courtroom the judge is asking the little boy, "Do you want to live with your mother?" The little boy says, "No, she beats me." The judge says, "Do you want to live with your father?" "No, he beats me too," says the little boy. The judge scratches his head and says, "Ok, son, then who do you want to live with?" Without a moment's hesitation the boy says loudly, "The Houston Astros, because they don't beat anybody."
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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 March 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

A mathematician, an accountant...

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says; "What do you want it to equal?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 June 2008
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (9)

A nun and a huge man were stan...

A nun and a huge man were standing in an elevator. Being the nice person that she was, she looked over at him, smiled, and said "T.G.I.F." He looked back at her and said "S.H.I.T." The nun was shocked. She turned to the man and said "There was no need to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Friday." The man looked back at her and said, "Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was Sorry Honey, it's Thursday."
#joke #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 September 2008
  • Currently 7.57/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (14)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


"If you were made in God's image, how did you get to be so ugly?"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 September 2008
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (13)

there was this hooker named Ju...

there was this hooker named Judi who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him.

The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"

Judi replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's *really* original, it'll cost you an extra $20."

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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 September 2008
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (12)

Railroad Redneck

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch.

The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself."

The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself."

The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself."

The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train. At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day."

The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day."

"Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 September 2008
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Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Anagrams

George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He Bugs Gore

Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room

Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent

Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots

Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in Em

Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms: Wen you rearrange the letters: Alas No More Z's

A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place

Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one

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Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 04 September 2008
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

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