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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Sep the 5th 2009
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Penis vs. Paycheck |
Q: Whats the difference between a penis and a paycheck?
A: You dont have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Three Beggars |
| There are three beggars begging on Wall Street.
The first beggar wrote "Beggar" on his broken cup. He received \$10.00 after one day.
The next day, the second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.
The following day, the third beggar wrote "e-Beg" on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix, a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Lightbulb Joke Collection 91 |
Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's the proletariat's work!
Q: How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five--one to change the light bulb and the other four to fill out the Environmental Impact Statement.
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to spot the burned-out bulb, his supervisor to authorize a requisition, a requisition typist, twelve clerks to file the requisition copies, a mail clerk to deliver the requisition to the purchasing department, a purchasing agent to order the bulb, a clerk to forward the purchasing order, a clerk to mail-order a receiving clerk to receive the bulb....
Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?
Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: The last time this question was asked, it involved art directors. Is the difference intentional? Should one or the other instance be changed? It seems inconsistent.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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| A football team was short of a goalkeeper, so the captain asked a cow grazing in the next field to join the team. The cow agreed. Later, the local cricket team needed a wicket keeper, so the same cow was asked to do the job. The cow replied: "Who ever heard of a cow playing cricket?"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
The little girl was SO proud of her Christmas presents, her first watch and her first perfume. She really made a pest of herself throughout the morning, going up to all the relatives and sticking that watch in their ear and insisting that they smell her perfume.
The preacher was coming for lunch, but before his arrival, the girl's mother had said, "If you mention that watch or that perfume just once more, I'm going to send you to your room for the rest of the day."
The meal went rather well, and the little girl held her tongue until just when the desert was being served. She wanted to make sure that the preacher, too, knew about her new watch and her perfume: "If you hear anything or smell anything ... it's me!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 2.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A CEO of a large company is seeking advice on whether or not to downsize his company. He turns to his eternally optimistic secretary and asks, "Is this glass half full or half empty?" Well you know me, she replies, "be thankful for what you have. It's half full!" He then turns to his eternally pessimistic accountant. "Well, is it half full, or half empty?" He repeats. "Sir, you know my stance. There can always be more... It's half empty to me." He then turns to the re-engineering consultant sitting next to him. "Well, you can see my dilemma. What do you think?" The consultant looks at the half full glass of water, and then looks up at the CEO. "Well, looks like you've got more glass there than you need." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Al, Bill, and Hillary at the Pearly Gates
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Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne.
He addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replied, "Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it was your will that I did not serve. I've come to understand that now."
God thought for a second and said, "Very good. Come and sit at my left."
God then addressed Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replied, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me."
Again, God thought for a second and then said, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right."
God then turned to Hillary and asked, "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
She replied, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member socaliflady |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Mexican Jews |
| Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in
Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, 'Do you know of any people of our
faith born and raised in Mexico ?' |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
Id like to order a bar pizza, the idiot says.
Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices, the barmaid asks.
Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
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