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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Sep the 10th 2009
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Spitfire |
| Whats black and white, black and brown, and black and black?
A nun roasting on a spit. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Purchasing furniture |
| I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irritating, this is what I tell them:
Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea (substitute "furniture store" if you don't know what "Ikea" is). You get a phone call that goes like this.
Customer: I'd like to buy a kitchen table.
You: That's fine; we have many styles of kitchen tables, I'm sure you can find one you like.
C: I need one that's 3 feet by 5 feet and has a butcher block top.
Y: Yes, we have a table like that. You can pick it up today.
C: OK, how can I get it back to my house?
Y: Well, it comes disassembled, so you can just put it on a roof rack. We can loan you a roof rack if you don't have one.
C: But how do get there?
Y: We're just off exit 25 of the Turnpike. Where are you coming from?
C: Wait, wait, you're going way too fast for me. I have a Ford in my driveway, and the keys are in my hand. What do I do next?
And, whatever you say at this point, the response is always the same:
C: But all I want is a kitchen table! Why does it have to be so *COMPLICATED*! |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 6.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Question And Answer Blond Jokes |
Q: What stops then goes then stops then goes?
A: A blonde at a blinking red light.
Q: Did you hear about Pepsi's new soda just for blondes?
A: It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.
Q: Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears?
A: They're refuelling.
Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She didn't want one for nights.
Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: Her husband is out looking for the other man.
Q: Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet?
A: She was last years hide and seek winner.
Q: What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under the water?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| A football team was short of a goalkeeper, so the captain asked a cow grazing in the next field to join the team. The cow agreed. Later, the local cricket team needed a wicket keeper, so the same cow was asked to do the job. The cow replied: "Who ever heard of a cow playing cricket?"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Roar.... |
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, "ROAR," step, step, "ROAR," all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
A mother had three daughters and on their wedding days, she tells each one of them to write back and tell her about their marriage life.
The first one gets married. The second day the letter arrives with a simple message: "Maxwell Coffee House". The Mother got confused and finally noticed a Maxwell advert saying "Satisfaction to the last drop...".
When the second daughter got married, it took a week for the letter to arrive and the message read: "Rothmans". So the Mother looked at a Rothmans ad, and saw: "Life Size, King Size"
Finally it was the third one's wedding. Mother was very anxious. After 4 weeks came the message: "British Airways". When mother looked into the ad, she fainted. The ad read: "Twice a day. Four times a week. Both ways." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.3/10 (8 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ..." and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty." The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to ..." and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?" the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ." The Minister said "That's right, that's Right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to ..." and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.4/10 (9 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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"If you talk to God, it's prayer. If God talks to you, it's schizophrenia." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Blonde at the Country Club |
| A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you." The woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.7/10 (11 votes cast) |
Id like to order a bar pizza, the idiot says.
Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices, the barmaid asks.
Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Travel photos
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