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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Sep the 23rd 2009
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You might be a redneck if your daddy... |
| You might be a redneck if your daddy walked you to school and you are both in the same grade. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Problem |
| A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, "I've got this problem."
The psychiatrist asks, "What is it?"
"Well, during the day I'm attracted to women, and for some reason at night I'm attracted to men. Do you know what it could be?"
The psychiatrist reflects for a minute a says, "This sounds like a classic case of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hiney."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Glaci and Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Newest MS Computer Game |
Solitaire '99
Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft's latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire '98
README file, v4.3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire '98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as "long filenames!"
For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*
Solitaire '98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.
System Requirements:
- 266 MHz Pentium II or better
- 800 megabytes of free hard drive space (2.1 gigabytes recommended)
- 128 megabytes of RAM (256 megabytes for Vegas scoring)
Installation Procedure:
1. Insert the CD-ROM entitled "Microsoft Solitaire" into your CD-ROM drive. You will need to make sure that the drive door is open before you place the disc in the tray.
2. An installation dialog box should appear on your screen. If it does not, you may need to purchase more memory or a larger hard disk drive. See your local Microsoft-certified dealer.
3. Follow the onscreen instructions. If you cannot read, have somebody else sit through the installation procedure.
4. Insert the CD-ROM entitled "Microsoft Solitaire, Disc 2" into your CD-ROM drive. As before, ensure that the drive is open before inserting the disc in the tray.
5. An installation dialog box should appear on your screen. If it does not, you may need to upgrade to a Microsoft "Natural" keyboard, which you can obtain from your nearest dealer. As before, follow the onscreen instructions.
6. After the installation program has completed, check your "Programs" menu for a new Solitaire '98 entry. If the program entry was not successfully created, you may need to uninstall all local copies of Netscape Navigator and/or Communicator and restart the Solitaire installation process from scratch.
Playing The Game:
Assuming that Solitaire '98 has been properly installed, you should be able to find it in your "Programs" menu (you should have verified this as part of the installation process.) Microsoft recommends that you shut down all other programs that may be running on the system before starting Solitaire '98.
To start the game, simply select it from the "Programs" menu. If the game does not start within five to seven minutes of selection, you may need to upgrade to the latest version of Microsoft Office to ensure that your system has the proper DLLs that Solitaire needs.
For game rules, refer to the .HLP files for the Windows 3.1 version of Solitaire. If you don't have these files, you can purchase them online from Microsoft at very competitive rates.
Coming Soon:
Minesweeper '99!
Watch this space.
[ snip millions of blank lines inserted to balloon README file up to Microsoft mandatory one-megabyte minimum file size. ]
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| A man was driving a horse and cart along a country road at an angle of 45 degrees. After three miles like this, he asked a passer-by: "How long does this blasted hill last?"
"This isn't a hill," came the reply. "Your back wheels are off!"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 2.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Grandma Jones... |
Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation.
By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress - especially, the mattress.
Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord.
"What's that?" she demanded with great suspicion, suspecting it might be one of those high tech items the city folks talked about.
"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button."
"What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked.
"No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied.
"A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A father charges into the bathroom and starts yelling at his son "Son! How many times have I told you not to do that? Stop it! If you keep doing that, you'll go blind!"
The son replies: "I'm over here, Dad." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| It seems that despite the advertisements in the paper, stores don't want you to do our Christmas shopping too early. A local store just arrested a fellow for shopping about two hours before the store opened. |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Zen Sarcasm, Part 1
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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed...Skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Andrzej Jan Lamkiewicz |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Hmmm......... |
| A very old couple that have been married forever are sitting on their porch one night.
Suddenly, the old woman reaches over and smacks her husband, knocking him off the porch
and into the bushes. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money.
She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps.
The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.
The blonde throws up her money, and yells,"God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (8 votes cast) |
Id like to order a bar pizza, the idiot says.
Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices, the barmaid asks.
Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
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Webmaster resurces
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Travel photos
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Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day
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