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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 29 September 2009
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (73)

Corduroy Condom

Q. What do you get with a corduroy condom? A. A groovy kind of love.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Buckwheat

Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name. He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.12/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (41)

Two business partners, both ma...

Two business partners, both married men, were taking turns making love to their secretary. As a result, she became pregnant with twins.

On the big day, one partner congratulated the other, "She had twins," he said. "Unfortunately, mine died."
#joke #short
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

How many did you catch...

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies.

"Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"

The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

#joke #beer
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Mary had an iron coo,

... Mary had an iron coo,
She milked it with a spanner.
The milk came out in shilling tins And wee yins at a tanner
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Knock Knock Collection 200


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yucca!
Yucca who?
Yucca catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yukon!
Yukon who?
Yukom say that again!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yuri!
Yuri who?
Yuri great friend!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Yvonne!
Yvonne who?
Yvonne to be alone?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Zaire!
Zaire who?
Zaire air is polluted!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Cleaner Polishes Off Patients

This is true story from the newspaper

The Cape Times (South Africa):

"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a

patient dead in

the same bed every Friday morning" a spokeswoman for the

Pelonomi Hospital

(Free State, South Africa) told reporters.

"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and

extensive checks on

the air conditioning system, and a search for possible

bacterial infection,

failed to reveal any clues." "However, further inquiries

have now revealed

the cause of these deaths...

"It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would

enter the ward,

remove the plug that powered the patient's life support

system, plug her

floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her

business. When

she

had finished her chores, she would plug the life support

machine back

in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She

could not, after

all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the

whirring of her

polisher".

"We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner

in question.

Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is

arranging for an

electrician to fit an extra socket, so there should be no

repetition of

this

incident. The inquiry is now closed." (Cape Times)

The headline of the newspaper story was,

"Cleaner Polishes Off Patients"

#joke #friday
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

“I’d like to order a bar piz...

“I’d like to order a bar pizza,” the idiot says.
“Shall I ask them to cut it into six or twelve slices,” the barmaid asks.
“Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.31/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (32)

The seven dwarfs went off to w...

The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 March 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

One day a camel and an elephan...

One day a camel and an elephant met.

The elephant asked the camel "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replied "What a stupid question from someone who has a dick on his face"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 September 2008
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Humor About St. Patricks Day


The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "

"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

Shamrock

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan.

"Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.

"She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.





#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 September 2008
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Al Gore - Explained

On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five

aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside

Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the

military.

March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was

born.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 September 2008
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

A Multiple Hot Foot

Did you hear about the shoe factory that burnt down?

Two hundred soles were lost.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 September 2008
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Three Eggs and $100


An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills.

He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?"The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 29 September 2008
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

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