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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Oct the 2nd 2009
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Redneck Thief |
| Q: What does a redneck say to his friend after he has just stolen something?
A: Six-finger discount! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Try Mud Baths |
| A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, "I have
some very bad news for you. I'm afraid that you're afflicted
with a fatal and incurable disease."
So the guy asks, "Well isn't there ANYTHING I can do, doc?"
"Hmmm.... maybe you should go to a spa and start taking
daily mud baths." The doctor tells the patient.
"Mud baths? Will that help me, doc?"
"Probably not . . . but at least you'll get used to being
covered in dirt!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Women Are Evil |
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background check, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
"This damn gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the freaking chair."
Moral of the story: Women are evil. Don't mess with them
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| Woman: "Do you like my new windscreen wiper – I got it for my husband."
Friend "Sounds like a fair swap."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Three women who were friends in high school have returned to their hometown to attend their 45th reunion and have lunch together. Their talk turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.
The first woman says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.
The second woman says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.
The third woman says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions -- but 13 canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on my husband's erect penis."
After a long silence, the first woman looks shame-faced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. We're not really going to the French Riviera -- we're going to my parent's house for two weeks."
The second woman says, "Your honesty has shamed me. To be honest, my husband didn't buy me a Mercedes -- he bought me a Taurus."
"Well," the third woman says, "I also have a confession to make. Canary number 13 has to stand on one leg." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.4/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Caught on the Job
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The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.
Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, “A-a-a-men!” |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.6/10 (9 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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Hypnotist |
| A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
| A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldnt find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger? The stock boy replied, No maam, theyre dead. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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