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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Oct the 12th 2009
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stopped by the police |
| John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, will you shut up!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."
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Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Tour Near Glaciers |
The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions.
Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking through a mountain valley that was strewn with rocks, and the traveler asked, "How did these rocks get here?"
"Sir," said the guide, "they were brought down by a glacier."
The tourist peered up the mountain and said, "But I don't see any glacier."
"Oh, really?" said the guide. "I guess it has gone back for more rocks."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| What happened when the hyena swallowed an Oxo cube?
He became a laughing stock!
Hilary Rae
How do young wizards and witches correct their homework?
They use a spell-checker.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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Two business partners, both married men, were taking turns making love to their secretary. As a result, she became pregnant with twins.
On the big day, one partner congratulated the other, "She had twins," he said. "Unfortunately, mine died." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Who Is the Real Virgin?
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A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable about the Bible.
But one day, she surprised her grandmother by asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.3/10 (8 votes cast) |
A Love Story
I will seek and find you . . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
In due time he received a note: “thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful
Of you to wrap each piece separately.”
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
A husband reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Now for a very special series: Our STI movie night! Caught on the big screen*, in HPV-D! |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Operation |
A beautiful young model is about to undergo a minor operation.
She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter room she leaves her behind the theater door to go in and check whether everything is ready.
A young man in a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body, then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man then comes over and does the same examinations. He then beckons to a third man who comes over and starts examining her body so closely that she begins to grow impatient.
She says, "All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" One of the men wearing a white coat shrugs his shoulders and says, "No good asking us, we're just here to paint the corridor" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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