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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Oct the 27th 2009
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Whats Orange And Sounds Like A Parrot? |
| Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Rowing in the Cornfield |
| One day, a blonde drove by a cornfield and saw another
blonde out in the field trying to row a boat.
"Geez, I hate blondes like that," said the blonde as she
drove by. "If I could swim I'd go out there and kick her
butt!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Yo Mama Is So Nasty |
Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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The avid golfer.... |
Bill, an avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a Golf Course in Heaven. The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to Bill in a few days.
After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium. "Well," said Bill, "what did ya find out?"
"I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium.
"OK," "what's the good news" Bill exclaimed.
"Well," there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium.
"And the bad news?" asked Bill.
"You're due to tee-off this Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.
One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."
One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat.
Now he's President of the United States." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Button Up
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A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons.
As pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocked from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes.
A police officer who was observing the man asked him for some identification. The man gave the officer a document that shoed he was an ordained minister of the gospel.
When the officer began to escort him to a mental institution, the minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust treatment.
“Look, we both know it’s the best place for you now,” the officer replied. “Anyone claiming to be a preacher who doesn’t save souls or wear holy clothes has probably lost his buttons.”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Free beer
Two Aussies are adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions one of them finds an old lamp. He rubs the lamp and a genie suddenly appears. This genie tells them that he only grants one wish.
Without giving much thought to the matter, the lamp finder blurts out, "Turn the entire ocean into VB!"
The genie claps his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turns into beer.
The genie disappears and only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull breaks the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
The second Aussie turns to the first and says, "Nice going mate! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 2.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot." |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Do duck hunters use call wading? If so, do authors use call foreword? And do sports broadcasters use called his play? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Fishy Story |
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward they're just lying there, enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.
Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.
She is speaking in a cheery voice. " Hello? Oh, hi! SO glad you called. Really. That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks! Okay. Buh-bye."
She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, " that was my husband telling me what a wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and he was so proud. Anxiously, he waited to hear the verdict. The grandmother in all her life had never had such a bad cup of coffee. As she forced down the last sip, his grandmother noticed three of those little green army guys were in the bottom of the cup.
She asked, "Honey, why would three of your little army men be in the bottom of my cup?"
Her grandson replied, "You know grandma, it's like on TV. 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup'." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.2/10 (25 votes cast) |
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