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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Nov the 13th 2009
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People in Grass Houses |
The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut. When an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently. He searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut. When his friend arrived, he went to the huts opening to greet him. Just then the ceiling started to give way, and the golden throne fell on the king, killing him.
The moral of the story is this: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Business one-liners 06 |
| A stagnant science is at a standstill.
A theory is better than its explanation.
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.) - Stafford Beer
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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A Man With A Glass Eye Is Here To See You |
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Wishful thinking... |
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
A big time Wall Street Broker moves to the country to become a chicken farmer. He purchases a small farm, and orders 1500 chicks from the local feed store. About three weeks later, he orders 2000 more chicks from the feed store. After another three weeks, he orders 2500 more chicks.
The feed store owner says to the broker, your chicken farm must really be growing.
The broker replies that its not growing too well, I am either planting them too deep or too far apart. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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WWJD? I bet he'd use his turn signal! |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 2.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Lobsters |
One evening a blonde went to seafood restaurant for dinner. When she saw the tank where they kept the lobsters
she asked a waiter, "Why are those creatures in that tank?"
"They are the lobsters we serve our customers!" answered the waiter.
"You mean you're going to kill them," said the blonde.
"Absolutely," said the waiter.
The blonde was so upset that she immediately left, drove to a nearby convenience store, purchased some hefty bags
and returned to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission.
Taking pity on the poor creatures, she waited until the moment was right, and snatched all of the lobsters from the tank, threw them in the bag, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
A newly wed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."
The guy said, "Officer, I have contacts."
The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket." |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
A small boy is woken by a huge crash of thunder. He runs into his parents' room, where his father comforts him.
"Don't be afraid of the thunder," he says. "It's just a noise that God makes when someone tells a lie."
"But why is it thundering now?" asks the boy. "It's the middle of the night and everyone is asleep."
"I know," replies the father. "But it's around this time that they start to print the newspapers."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Did Art Linkletter invent cursive writing? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Pearl Harbour Vs Titanic |
A Chinese man went into a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he was amazed to see that he was sitting next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg.
After a round of beer the Chinese sensed that the famous producer was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious punch from the Director. Picking himself up, he yelled, "What the hell was that for?" The director ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you #@&%*~! My dad perished in that bombing!"
"I am not Japanese, you stupid **~#@#!?*! I am Chinese!" "Yeah yeah yeah... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, you are all the same", retorted Spielberg.
Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few seconds later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a mighty punch to the director, sending him flat onto the floor.
"What was that for?" exclaimed the director. "That's for sinking the Titanic! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied.
"You ignorant chink! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!" shouted the director.
"Yeah yeah yeah... Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you are all the same!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"
The owner says, "How about a cat?"
The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"
The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede."
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"
Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."
The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"
The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes!"
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Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.9/10 (22 votes cast) |
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