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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Nov the 17th 2009
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New Version of Playboy |
| Q. Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? A. It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month.... |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Curtains |
| What is the difference between a hooker, a lover and a housewife?
A hooker says, "Faster, faster."
A lover says, "Slower, slower."
A housewife says, "Curtains...I think I need new curtains!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Defining Form 1040 |
For those of you who are not familiar with US tax forms, "Form 1040" is the most common of the US Federal tax forms. Most people file one of the several versions of this form.
Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
Because for every \$50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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| What's a bloke's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can hoover.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Bad news or terrible news... |
This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending".
He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?"
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden.
The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license.
The warden took a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"
The hunter, a bit put out, produced an Idaho state hunting license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"
Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.
The warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?"
The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
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American-Yiddish Dictionary
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JEWBILATION - Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.
TORAHFIED - Inability to remember one's lines at one's Bar or Bat mitzvah.
CHUTZPAPA - A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 AM so she can change the baby's diaper.
DISORIYENTA - When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
MISHPOCHAMARKS - The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.
ROSH HASHANANA - A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.
FEELAWFUL - Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
KINDERSCHLEP - To transport other kids in your car besides yours.
OYVAYSMEAR - What one says when the cream cheese squeezes out of the bagel and falls on your clean pants.
JEWDO - A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.8/10 (9 votes cast) |
Bruce and Sheila have been seeing each other for a while and Sheila asks Bruce to meet her on the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Sheila: I’ve got something to tell you, Bruce…I’m preganant and if you don’t marry me, I’m going to jump off this bridge into Sydney Harbour.
Bruce: That’s what I like about you, Sheila. Not only are you a great shag but you’re a good sport too. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
| A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate. "No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse." "And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer. "No I did not," the doctor said. "So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead." The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere." |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
A woman walked into a very busy butcher's shop. Looking at meats and poultry on display, she suddenly grabbed hold of a dressed chicken, she picked up one wing, sniffed it, picked up the other wing and sniffed it, picked up one leg, sniffed it, picked up the other leg, sniffed it.
Just as she finished sniffing the second leg, the butcher walked up to her and said, "Madam, could YOU pass such a test?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| What do gynecologists have in common with Christopher Columbus? They are all explore-hers. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Death Bed |
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if-"
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."
The man then dies, happy. The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The
best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good
pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have
to go over and over again."
The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I
could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can
get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00
am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel
movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake
up before 7:00 am. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.5/10 (19 votes cast) |
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