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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Nov the 19th 2009
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Cooky Cookie Joke |
| Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctors office? A: Because it was feeling crummy. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Whiskey no worms |
| A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.
After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with water the other with whiskey.
She gets him to the table with the glasses and has his bait box there too.
She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies.
She says "so what do you have to say about this experiment?"
He says "IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON'T GET WORMS!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Knock Knock Collection 050 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor who?
You just said it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don!
Don who?
Don Patrol!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Donatello!
Donatello who?
Donatello'n me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Giovanni!
Don Giovanni who?
Don Giovanni talk to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Don Juan!
Don Juan who?
Don Juan to go to school today!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde riding in the back of a truck. Suddenly the tire popped and the truck drove off the edge into the water.
The red head and brunette swam up and survived, but the blonde drowned because she couldn't get the tail gate open. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Where is God?
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A couple had two little boys who were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their village, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that an elder in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her sons. The elder agreed, but asked to see them separately.
So, the mother sent her youngest son first, in the morning. The elder, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response.So the elder repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the wide-eyed boy made no attempt to answer.
The elder raised his voice and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into a closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him hiding, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing, and they think WE did it!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.1/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Damn Parking Enforcement. |
I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!
So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn.
My car was parked around the corner...
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.7/10 (16 votes cast) |
COMPUTER TERMS - TEXAS TRANSLATION:
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin' the farwood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin' the farwood
FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
RAM: That thing tha splits the farwood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin' home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain't in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it's cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it's black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What's in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knives
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That's hippie talk fer the mouse hole
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof
ENTER: Northerner talk fer "c'mon in, y'all"
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya can't 'member what ya paid fer the rifle |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
A man comes home from his golf game, and his wife asks if he had a good time.
"No," he said. "In fact, it was the worst day of my life! Harry dropped dead of a heart attack on the 9th hole!"
Sympathetic, his wife says, "Oh, poor Harry! And that must have been awful for you!"
The golfer replies, "You're telling me! For the whole back nine, it was 'Hit the ball, drag Harry; Hit the ball, drag Harry...'"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| What did the swine flu say to the seasonal flu? H1, N1ce to meet you! |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Faints |
On a hot summer day an elderly gentleman faints in the street. A small crowd immediately gathers around him.
"Give the poor man a glass of brandy," advises a woman. "Give him a heart massage, " says someone else.
"No, just give him some brandy," insists the woman. "Call an ambulance,"
yells another person.
"A brandy!" The man suddenly sits up and exclaims. "Shut up, everybody,and do as the kind lady says!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg is frowning and looking a bit pissed off.
The egg mutters, to no one in particular,
"Well, I guess we answered THAT question!" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.0/10 (24 votes cast) |
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