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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Nov the 20th 2009
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Group Photo |
Q: Why is it so difficult to take a group photo of a bunch of West Virginians?
A: Because everytime the photographer yells “Cheese!” they all line up! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Phallic symbol |
| Camilla had come to see Dr. Hardy.
When the shrink began using sexual terms, she interrupted, "Wait, what is a phallic symbol?"
"A phallic symbol," explained Hardy, "represents the phallus."
"What's a phallus?" asked Camilla.
"Well," said the analyst, "The best way to explain it is to show you."
He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pecker.
"This is a phallus."
"Oh," said the girl. "It's like a prick, only smaller."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Knock Knock Collection 075 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Godunov!
Godunov who!
Godunov to eat!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Goose!
Goose who!
Goose see a doctor, you don't look well!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gopher!
Gopher who!
Gopher broke!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gordie!
Gordie who!
Gordie-rectly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect \$200!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gorilla!
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me some cheese on toast please!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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"Doctor, my son thinks he's a chicken."
"Why don't you bring him in for treatment?"
"We need the eggs."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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A Little Extra In The Soup.... |
Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and left them there.A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it!
He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary said, "I just peed in the soup!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What!?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Hindu Happy Birthday
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Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Cutting Wood |
Sam and John were out cutting wood, when John accidentally cut his arm off. Sam, who was trained in first aid, remained calm and wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and then took it and John to a surgeon.
The surgeon
said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected. John is down at the local pub."
Sam went to the pub and was amazed to see John throwing darts. "Wow" thought Sam, "that surgeon does excellent work"
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John accidentally cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it, and John, back to the same surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher, but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field."
Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals. "Wow" thought Sam "That surgeon is amazing"
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours."
So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died."
Sam said, "I understand - I know you tried your best. You are a very skilled surgeon but I'm sure heads are very tough."
The surgeon said, "Oh, no! It wasn't that, John suffocated in that plastic bag!"
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,"
" her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So, why's the groom wearing black?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!" |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
"My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
"Really? What did he get?"
"Fifteen years."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Amputees like to stretch. So they can feel limber. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Taxi |
| There was a lady who took a taxi home, and when the taxi driver approached her house she told him to stop, saying, "Okay, here, here is good." Then she asked the driver, "How much is it?" And the driver replied, "Ten dollars." Then, after searching in her purse for a while, she said, "Could you please go back 500 meters? I have only seven dollars on me!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.6/10 (14 votes cast) |
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