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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Nov the 23rd 2009
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Take Off My Clothes |
My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Business one-liners 15 |
| As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
Bad news drives good news out of the media.
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.
Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma. - Chris Jarocha-Ernst
Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 6.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 108 |
Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress. BEEP
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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"Doctor, my son thinks he's a chicken."
"Why don't you bring him in for treatment?"
"We need the eggs."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Slogans.... |
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?"
Joe answered the correct airline.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?"
And John answered, "Mom...." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
"What I don't understand about this whole thing is that the guy who got shot, this is his statement today, he said my family and I are deeply sorry (his face got in the way) for everything the vice president and his family had to go through this weekend. Wow, that is one loyal Republican. He also referred to the buckshot wound in his face as 1,000 points of light." -- Bill Maher
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Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Thanksgiving Blessings
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All the grandkids were visiting for Thanksgiving. Before dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren.
Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made rolls.Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint on her face.
When asked what was the matter, she replied, "I'm just praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.3/10 (6 votes cast) |
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The Bear |
Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them.
Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.
His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!"
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
A Bad Wish
Two happily married 60 year olds were on vacation when they came across a magic lamp. They rubbed it three times and a Jeanie came out. The Jeanie was willing to grant each person a single wish. The wife wished to travel around the world. Then "poof" a bunch of airline tickets showed up in her hands. The man thought about what he wanted to wish for.
He said to the Jeanie, "I wish my wife was thirty years younger than me." Then "poof" he turned into a 90 year old man.
What's the moral of the story?
-Be careful what you wish for.
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
| This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".
Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered. He soon was a very rich man.
One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've been signing your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed with three XXX's..."
Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A time-traveler was arrested. His defence: he was temporally insane. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
We noticed that all the waiters in this New York
restaurant carried two spoons in their vest
pocket. Naturally, we were curious. We asked a
waiter why.
'Sir, as a result of an efficiency study by the
management, it was determined that the most
frequently dropped silverware item was a spoon.
Therefore, all the waiters carry two spoons so
that the item can be instantly replaced.'
As he was explaining that we noticed a string
hanging out of the fly of his pants. So, we asked
about that.
'Sir, that's another efficiency study result.
When we have to go to the bathroom, we use the
string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore,
we do not have to stop to wash our hands.'
We replied, 'I understand how you can get yourself
out and aim, but how do you get yourself back in.'
'Well,' replied the waiter, 'I don't know about
the other guys, but I use the two spoons!' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.3/10 (25 votes cast) |
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Thanksgiving Clean Jokes #jokes #thanksgiving |
Here are some more Thanksgiving One-Liner Jokes for some holiday season humor!
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"?
Because they never learned good table manners!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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