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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Nov the 24th 2009
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Funny Apple |
| Q: What did the apple say to the orange? A: I despise you for being different from me. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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No God |
| Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 167 |
When the caller calls your number, as Steven Wright suggested, simply have your message be a busy signal!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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"Doctor, my son thinks he's a chicken."
"Why don't you bring him in for treatment?"
"We need the eggs."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Ever seen anything like this before? |
A man decided to paint the toilet while his wife was away. His wife came home sooner than he expected, used the toilet, and got the seat stuck to her rear. She was understandably distraught about this and asked her husband to drive her to the doctor. She put a large overcoat on to cover the seat before they went. When they got to the doctor's office, the man lifted his wife's coat to show him their predicament.
The man asked, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replied, "but never framed." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Chinese Proverbs
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War not determine who right, war determine who left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Man who farts in church sits in own pew.
Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Prayer Before Meals
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A hungry little boy was beginning to eat his dinner when his father reminded him that they hadn't prayed.
"We don't have to," said the little boy. "Mommy is a good cook!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see as to why his wife hadn't woken him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
Mary goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Mary walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”
“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.
“Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. They dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will! Who's this?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| When MJ’s hair caught fire, was he a Jacko Lantern? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Rude Awakening |
Paddy O' Leary had spent the eve drinking at the local tavern. He knew he had a long walk home, so though he was a wee tipsy, he recalled a shortcut through the town's cemetery.
Paddy staggered 'round the graves, but lost his footing and fell into a hole dug for a burial the following day. He passed out when he hit bottom.
Upon awakening the next morn, Paddy stood up and realized where he was-- and promptly shouted "Glory Be to GOD! 'Tis the Resurrection Day-- and I'm the first one up!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Fuck!" cursed the brunette. "Are his flashers on?
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope....yup....." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.9/10 (18 votes cast) |
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A Lesson About Blood Flow and Circulation |
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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