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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Dec the 2nd 2009
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New Computer at the White House |
| Two young female Interns meet for lunch at a restaurant near
the White House.
One girl says to the other one,"Hey, I just heard that the
White House got a new computer!
The other girl says, "Really? What kind?"
The first girl says, "All I know is, it's got a 6 1/2 inch
hard drive and no memory!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Minnesota Crazy Law |
Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
All bathtubs must have feet.
A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
It is illegal to sleep naked.
Hibbing
It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.
Minneapolis
Red cars can not drive down Lake Street
St. Cloud
Hamburgers may not be eaten on Sundays.
Virginia
You're not allowed to park your elephant on Main Street.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A FARMER and his wife decided to hold a talent show for their animals in which each contestant would recite a passage from Shakespeare. The prize would be a big marquee with a glitter ball inside. The pig performed a piece from Hamlet; the cow chose Richard III and the sheep picked MacBeth. After much deliberation the farmer and his wife picked the best entry, announcing: "Cow is the winner of our disco tent."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.6/10 (11 votes cast) |
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Old friends... |
Mary and Jane are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
These four gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the homebuilding industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, allows how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He’s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man’s son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son has turned out", he replies. "For fifteen years, he’s been a hairdresser, and I’ve just recently discovered he’s a practicing homosexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Florist Mistake |
On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became
dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing
for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's all right." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how
these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card
to a funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
A blonde's car gets a flat tyre on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road.
She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives.
The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?"
"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer...
"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replies |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the desert when a line of mounted Indians appeared to the right of them. They looked to the left and saw another line of mounted Indians. Behind them they saw another line of mounted Indians.
The Lone Ranger said, "Looks like we're in trouble, Tonto."
Tonto replied, "What do you mean WE, white man?"
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A few moments after the daughter announced her engagement, her Father asked, "Does this fellow have any money?"
"Oh Daddy, you men are all alike," sighing deeply, she replied, "That's exactly what he asked me about you."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Some children’s books are awful. Whinny the Poo was complete horse shit. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Elephant Show |
An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times.
"Is that right?" he asked the boy.
"Oh yes." the boy said.
The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.
The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.
Where upon the Irishman stumbled back, and with a sound of disbelief in his voice he cried, "Be gabbers, He's right... Farty-two!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together
at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into
Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed
the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into
the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let
him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring
Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with
him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died
on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned
to the lawyer. "Name them." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.8/10 (31 votes cast) |
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Customer Support Log #jokes |
Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:
Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",
Support: "Went away?"
Customer:"They disappeared."
Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer: "I don't know."
Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer: ......"Yes, I think so."
Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: ......"Yes, it is."
Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: ......"Okay, here it is."
Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No."
Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
Support: "Dark?
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer:"I can't."
Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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