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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Dec the 6th 2009
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Hot Revenge |
| Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldnt believe it! He said, Whats wrong with you? Were being boiled alive! Theyre gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this? The other missionary replied, I just peed in the soup! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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New Mercedes |
| Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Scary Collection 40 |
A witch joke
Why do witches scratch themselves all the time?
Because they're the only ones who know where a witch itches!
A vampire joke
Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?
He's still looking for a crypt writer though!
A werewolf joke
What do you call an extinct hairy beast?
A were-wolf!
A ghost joke
Where do mummies go if they want to swim?
The Dead Sea!
A werewolf joke
What happens if you cross a werewolf and a sheep?
You have to get a new sheep!
A vampire joke
Why are vampire families so close?
Because blood is thicker than water!
A werewolf joke
What is fearsome, hairy and drinks from the wrong side of a glass?
A werewolf with hiccups!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 2.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
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| In Wales, after a road accident, police instruct motorists to drive Caerphilly.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.3/10 (18 votes cast) |
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Spell A Word To Get Into Heaven |
A guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter. St. Peter says to him "God has looked at your book of life and you are welcome in heaven under one condition"
The man say "What's that?"
St. Peter says "You must spell the word 'Love'." So he does and he is let in to heaven. As he gets in, St. Peter's beeper goes off. He tells the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word. Next thing you know, his wife show up at the gate and he asks her what she is doing there?
She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died. The husband says alright, but you do have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven.
She asks "What's that?"
He says "Spell Czechoslovakia" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
"Mildred, shut up" cried the golfer at his nagging wife, "Shut up or you'll drive me out of my mind."
"That," said Mildred, "wouldn't be a drive, it would be a short putt." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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The Lord Is on the Phone
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A Catholic priest, a Lutheran minister and an Evangelical preacher are arguing about religion one day when the phone rings.
The priest gets up to answer it. After listening for few moments, he says, “Yes, I will pass on the news,” and hangs up.
Turning to the others, he says, “I have good news and bad news.”
"Really? Do tell,” the minister says.
"My friends,” the priest announces, "that was the Lord Jesus on the phone, and he was calling to say he’s back."
"Glory be!” shouts the preacher. “What could possibly be bad news now?”
"Well,” the priest says, “He was calling from Salt Lake City.”
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member mytmouse57
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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More Tiger |
What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing
Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.
What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again. "Is it champaigne?" she asked.
"No," replied the little girl, "It is a puppy. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (10 votes cast) |
| A man walks into a restaurant and is shown to his seat by the hostess. The waiter approaches and asks, "Would you like to try our house special?” The man replies, "No, just bring me a steak, and make it lean". The waiter, somewhat puzzled, looks at him and replies, "which way?" |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
A man on a business trip was sitting in first class. During the flight, he was given gourmet brownies and cookies for dessert. Not hungry after his meal, he decided to save them for later, so he placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag.
After the plane landed, he got up to leave, and a stewardess approached him and asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that for you?"
He said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Newspapers are going green. In fact by 2010 all articles’ opening sentences must be lede-certified. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Genie |
One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job -- a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try."
"Poof!" said the genie.
"You're a housewife." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A Guy was staying in a fancy hotel and was enjoying the pool when the manager told him quite bluntly to get out. When asked for the reason, the manager said, "Because you peed in the pool."
"Well," replied the swimmer, "lots of people do that."
"True," answered the manager, "but you did it from the diving board." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.2/10 (23 votes cast) |
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