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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Dec the 7th 2009
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Hot Babe in Bar |
| A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a sex on the beach. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature. Hi big guy, she says, batting her eyelashes. Oh hello, beautiful, he says stepping closer to her. I couldnt help but notice what big feet you have, as a look of wonderment spreads across her face. You know what that means... he coos. Yes, trouble for the ants, she says. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Business one-liners 04 |
| A good scapegoat is hard to find.
A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
A little humility is arrogance.
A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
A little ignorance can go a long way.
A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.
A man should be greater than some of his parts. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.7/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Business One-liners 17 |
Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
Beware the man of one book. - St. Thomas Aquinas
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it for he shall enjoy living.
Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.1/10 (8 votes cast) |
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| In Wales, after a road accident, police instruct motorists to drive Caerphilly.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.3/10 (18 votes cast) |
The difference between Republicans & Democrats
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.
The republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, He decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republicans pocket and gave him fifty dollars. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.6/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Where Did She Go?
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An elderly woman in her nineties had a visitor from her church come to see her at the nursing home.
“How are you?” the visitor asked.
“Oh,” said the elderly woman, “I’m just worried sick!”
“You look like you’re in good health. They take good care of you here, don’t they?”
“Oh, yes, they take good care of me here.”
“Do you have any pain?” the visitor asked.
“No, I can’t say I do,” the elderly woman replied.
“Then what has you worried sick?” the visitor asked.
The elderly woman leaned in and explained, “All of my closest friends have already died and gone to heaven. I’m sure they are all wondering where I went!”
From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.1/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Christmas Scottish Divorce |
A man in Scotland calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her "
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."
She calls home immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 5.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
| A lawyer who was upset at the verdict that was handed down to his client at the end of the case said. “Your honor with all due respect I accept your ruling. But if it may please the Court sir I'd like to know just WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE! |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 4.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith, "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 7.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
| An academic who studies satanism, aka a philucifer. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 6.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Archbishop |
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
'Oh dear,' said the Queen, 'How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that.'
'It's quite understandable,' said the archbishop, and after a moment added, 'as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse.' |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 4.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to thecongregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family.The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it.
When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and thecongregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upsetover the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting onenight with the minister. Finally, the minister stood and shouted out,"Having children is an act of God!!"
An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are actsof God, too, and we wear rubbers for them." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.0/10 (24 votes cast) |
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