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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Dec the 16th 2009
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Why Does He Get All The Ladies Gosh |
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Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 1.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Mexican Funeral |
Q: Whats the slowest thing on 80 wheels?
A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Sue |
| Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?
"Sure is Bubba. But why are you asking?
"Cause what I wanna know is, I was thinkin', "can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've slept with ?"
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Business One-liners 60 |
He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
He who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints.
Hindsight is an exact science.
History is the science of what never happens twice.
History repeats itself. That is one of the things wrong with history.
I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.
I have never found, in long experience, that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance.
I have run out of sick leave, so I'm calling in dead.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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| In Wales, after a road accident, police instruct motorists to drive Caerphilly.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.3/10 (18 votes cast) |
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Milk the cow... |
After much urging by his wife, Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and told him to milk a cow, equipping him with a stool and a bucket.
An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other.
"Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He then looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded, "Yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nodded again, so the Englishman said, "Give Jesus a cup of hot tea, too."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there sweet thang, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of RC!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"
The waitress nodded again, so the Redneck said, "Give Jesus a cold glass of RC, too."
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed."
The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Hey, man, don't touch me, I'm drawin' disability." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Buddhists and the Blues
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Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Chiyo |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Toughest Time
"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it.... It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.†You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.â€
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
The elderly couple were visiting another pair of oldies one evening. After dinner the ladies were ( as usual) tidying up in the kitchen while the two old chappies chuntered happily together in the sitting room.
The host says, "Oh, we went to a new restaurant the other night...it was quite good, really."
"Interesting," replies the guest. "What's it called?"
"Uuuuuummmmmm, let me see now...mmmm...what do you call that beautiful flower....it comes in many colours...red, pink, yellow....you know the one, has a sweet fragrance, thorns on the stem, etc..."
"Oh, you must mean a rose!"
"Of course!!!......Rose! (calls towards the kitchen) what's the name of the restaurant we went to?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Graphic designers are obsessed with kern events. Especially web designers - they love checking out Britney’s css. HTML baby one more time! |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Black Baby |
A white couple had a black baby....
The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..! |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
There was a blonde driving in her car on the highway.She crashed into the car infront of her and a cop came over to her and said mam what is wrong? She said officer no matter where i turn there is a tree if i turn left,right, there is a tree. The officer leaned over and said mam that is your air freshener. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 3.6/10 (13 votes cast) |
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Arguing About the Sign #jokes |
A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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