JOKES OF THE DAY

She turned to the cowboy and asked him,

'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied,

'Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am.'

He then asked her what she was. She replied,

'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.'

A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him,

'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied,

'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

After many unhappy replies from our current
vending service we decided that what they
really needed was a different form letter
that was more closely tied to their true
feeling:

        BFD Vending Service

Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints
about our vending service.

___ We are aware that _____________ machine
has not been stocked in _____ days.
  __ We are waiting for the weekend.
  __ We are out of items that have expired.
  __ We're busy, don't bother us about this.
  __ We don't care.

___ We are aware that the price for _______
seems high at \$_______ but,
  __ we have to make a living.
  __ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.
  __ we charge others more.
  __ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.

___ We are aware that
  __ the sodas are warm
  __ the milk is curdled
  __ sandwiches are stale
  __ gum is hard
  __ candy bars are petrified
     and assure you that that is
     the way it is supposed to be, really.

___ We understand that
  __ the bill changer can't,
  __ coin return won't,
  __ product selection doesn't,
     and believe that
  __ you should relax, it all evens out.
  __ learn to live with it.
  __ bring in your own change next time.
  __ be happy it gave you anything.
  __ quit eating so much junk food.

Thank you and Happy Eating.

An elderly priest was speaking to a younger priest. "You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm! The front of the church always fills first now."

As the young priest nodded, the old priest continued, “You also told me to assign a little more beat to the music because it would bring young people back to church. So, I supported you when you bought in that rock ‘n’ roll Gospel choir. Now, our services are consistently packed.“

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest. "But, I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

"But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"Yes," replied, the elderly priest. "I appreciate that, but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot 'n’ Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!"


- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Lchunkylady

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet.....

so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.