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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Dec the 22nd 2009
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Donkeys at Christmas |
| What do donkeys send out near Christmas? Mule-tide greetings. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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An Iowan Visits Arkansas |
| This guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white
wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and
the bartender looks around and says: "You ain't from around
here, are ya... where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What th' hell you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist... now just what th' hell
is a taxidermist?"
The guy says "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's
OK boys, he's one of us!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Question Answer 06 |
What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!
If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!
Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!
When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!
Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!
Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!
What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Bagels |
Q: How does a bagel protect itself?
A: It puts on locks. |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Letters from Little Girls to God
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Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother, but I prayed for a puppy.
Joyce
Dear God,
My father told me about being born, but that doesn't sound right. He was kidding, right?
Marsha
Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
Dear God,
Did you really mean, "Do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
Darla
Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Sincerely,
Donna
Dear God,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of the people in the whole world. There are only four people in our whole family and I can never do it.
Nan
Dear God,
If we come back as something else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
Love,
Denise
Dear God,
In Bible times did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer
Dear God,
What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.
Jane
Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and my father was mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you won't hurt him anyway.
Your friend (I'm not going to tell You my name.)
- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Horse Auction |
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and
rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
"Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses,
I have to make sure that they are healthy and in
good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the
UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.8/10 (9 votes cast) |
Tony was a pianist and was practicing late one night. There was a tap on the door, when he opened it his landlord was standing outside the door. He asked; “do you know there is a sick lady upstairs?"
Tony answered, “no, I haven’t heard that song. Can you please hum it a little?"
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 6.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
At the doctor's office.
- What bothers you?
- I have a bad memory.
- Ok. What else?
- I have a very bad memory.
- What else?!
- And... I have a really bad memory.
- Yes, I understand that you have a bad memory! What else??
- And I have hearing problems.
- What else?
- What did you say?
- What else?!
- Say it again?
- What else?!
- Ah-ah! And I have a bad memory.
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
| I have a weakness for Japanese soup. Guess that makes me a misochist. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A college student picked up his date at her parents home.
He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a
fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything
expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the
works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.5/10 (24 votes cast) |
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Just cut your hair first |
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car."
Father replies: "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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