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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, Dec the 23rd 2009
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Class act all the way |
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Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 2.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Yo Mama... Christmas Corner |
| Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Robert Schmidt 13 |
| My uncle's an airline pilot ... kinda makes it difficult to hold the bottle though...
When my Dad came home last night, my mom fainted.
Don't tell anyone I said but we're live on national TV.
I broke a leg one time ... spilt coffee all over.
I bought this thing for my car. You put it on your car, it sends out this little noise, so when you drive through the woods, deer won't run in front of your car. I installed it backwards by accident. Driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me. Those were the days.
That's a good thing to say to the police the next time they stop you. "License and registration, please." "Hermits have no peer pressure." "License and registration, please." "Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back so many memories." "License and registration, please." "There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. Wouldn't you" say, Officer?" "License and registration, please." "What's another word for Thesaurus?" See the cop have a nervous breakdown. "I was just trying to give him a ticket."
I can't wait to be arrested and go all the way to the witness stand. "Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you, God?" "Yes, you're ugly. See that women in the jury? I'd really like to sleep with her. Should I keep going or are you going to ask me questions?"
In the Roadrunner cartoon, the coyote has been chasing him for 25 years. I'd like to see him finally get right up to him and go "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
Driving hasn't been the same since I installed the funhouse rearview mirrors. "What is that?"
Driving down the street at 150 miles per hour with a friend of mine on cruise control. Both of us in the back seat. The police pulled us over. They don't know who to arrest, nobody's driving. So, they arrested us both. I'm on the witness stand. You know the rest. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Question And Answer Jokes |
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.
Q: What's the problem with lawyer jokes?
A: Lawyer's don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they're jokes.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: At the city morgue.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Mercedes Benz full of lawyers?
A: The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Sex morality |
The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality:
"In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said:
"Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?"... |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
Jacob (92) and Rebecca (85) are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore.
Jacob suggests that they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers " Yes".
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob; "How about Viagra"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list with them." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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Lo and Behold
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Q: On Christmas night, how many angels appeared to the shepherds, and what were their names?
A: There were two angels, and their names were 'Lo' and 'Behold.' Doesn't the Bible say, "Lo and Behold, the angels, appeared to the shepherds"?
- Joke shared by Beliefnet community member coltwise
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Two guys were hiking in the mountains when they came across an old mine shaft going straight down into the ground.
"Wow," said the first guy. "I wonder how deep it is?"
"I dunno," said the second.
"Let's find out." With that, he dropped a rock down the hole. They waited and waited, but didn't hear it hit bottom.
"Hmm. Let's try a bigger rock," said the first guy, and tossed a watermelon-sized stone down the hole. They waited a couple of minutes, but didn't hear it hit either. So, they looked around for something bigger to throw down and came across an old railroad tie, which they lifted together and dumped down the hole. Then suddenly, as they waited to hear it hit, a goat streaked between the two of them and jumped straight down the mineshaft.
While they stood there scratching their heads in amazement, a third guy came up the path and asked them if they'd seen a goat.
"Yeah, just now," said one of the first two guys. "It just ran up and jumped down this hole."
"Oh, well then it couldn't have been my goat," said the third guy. "My goat was tied to an old railroad tie." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 4.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
A man put in 10 puns for a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win. But sadly, no pun in ten did.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
There where two snakes talking.
The first one said, "Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisoned?"
Then the second Snake says, "Why do you ask?"
The first one replies, "I just bit my lip."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.6/10 (7 votes cast) |
| Anyone who likes to quote punsters is a saidist. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Lazy Boy Decline |
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the exam was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor said, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.2/10 (16 votes cast) |
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Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
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