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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Dec the 24th 2009
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This Acid Is Starting To Kick In Bomb |
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Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 1.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Five Days of Christmas |
| Q: What did the blonde ask Santa Claus for Christmas? A: Five golden dings, four calling nerds, three French men, two purple gloves, and a bar fridge and a party. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Preservation Society |
| Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison lightbulb so it'll be aesthetically accurate. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 76 |
French monologue in the background: Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Relatives.... |
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.
1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.
3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.
4. There are some things even a rat won't do. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Christmas Eve Accident
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Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.3/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Charity Call |
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.
I told them to buzz off!!!!!
Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
In Sydney she was Rhonda
She was Patsy out in Perth
In Brisbane she was Brenda,
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Wagga she was Wendy
The pick of all the bunch,
But down on his expenses
She was petrol, oil and lunch. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
It's Christmas Eve and mom is busily preparing the last minute decorations in the family room when little Sally say: "Mom, don't forget to put out the treat for Santa next to the fireplace." Distracted, the mom thanks Sally and goes to the kitchen for Santa's treat. Later, when putting her to bed Sally says. "Mom, why did you put a can of Slim-fast next to Santa's treat?" Distracted and anxious to get back downstairs to finish the decorations mom replies. "Daddy is on a diet."
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
The train was about to pull out of the station. A young man ran towards it and managed to throw his bag in and climb aboard just in time.
A fellow passenger looked at him and said, "Young man, you should be in better shape! At your age, I could catch the train by a gnat's whisker and still be fresh. Look at you, panting away."
The young man took a deep breath and replied, "I missed this train at the last station."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Nuclear holocaust: when your family confronts you in an auditorium. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Five Surgeons |
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for
a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A
man was shown threatening to jump from the
Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead \$50 that he wouldn't
jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that
bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave
the redhead the \$50 she owed. The redhead said 'I
can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I
saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take
your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never
thought he'd jump again!' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.8/10 (17 votes cast) |
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Christmas Eve Jokes - One Liners #joke #Christmas |
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve!
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D"!
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Santa Claustrophobia!
What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail!
Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
Santa Paws!
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus!
How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks!
Why is Santa like a bear on Christmas Eve ?
Because he's Sooty!
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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