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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Dec the 26th 2009
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Christmas In Heaven |
| Three men all die on Christmas Day, and arrive at the pearly gates. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all evil men who SHOULD go to hell - but because its Christmas, hell let them into heaven if they have something representing the holiday with them. One of the guys has a Christmas ornament, and gets let in. Another guy has pine needles on his shirt, and gets let in. The third guy pulls out a pair of panties. How do those represent Christmas? asks Peter. These are Carols. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Sexy Poem |
| sex is when a guys communication,
enters a girls information
to increse the population
for a younger genertion
do you get the information
or do you need a demonstaration |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Ohio Crazy Law |
It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.
Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined \$25.00.
It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
Bay Village
It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.
Bexley
Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
Clinton County
Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines.
Cleveland
It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
Columbus
It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
Fairview Park
It's against the law to honk your horn "excessively". A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor.
Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission.
Ironton
Cross-dressing is against the law.
Lima
Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.
Lowell
It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour.
Marion
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
North Canton
It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
McDonald
Your goose may not paraded down Main Street.
Oxford
It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Paulding
A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
Toledo
Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
Strongsville
Catch 22 is banned.
Youngstown
Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed.
You may not run out of gas.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 2.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Grandmother....Is that you? |
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it."
The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow," says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Working on Christmas?
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Q: Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Ouch |
I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"
And then the fight started.....
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad, you get the toy |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
| A doctor got a phone call from one of his colleagues. “We need a fourth for poker,†the voice on the phone said. “I’ll be right over,†replied the doctor. As he was putting on his overcoat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?†“Oh yes, quite serious,†he said gravely. “They’ve had to call in three other doctors as well.†|
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
| Lufthansa: the German company for people who ask questions in public. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Patrolling along the Iraqi border |
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and
catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this
one isn't wearing any shoes either!" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.5/10 (28 votes cast) |
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An Extremely Loyal Football Fan #joke #football |
There was a Packers fan with a really terrible seat at Lambeau Field. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 7.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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