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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Dec the 27th 2009
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Aww. But thanks for trying. |
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Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 2.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Ice Fishing |
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm.
Im sorry, what did you say?
mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm.
Im sorry, I still didnt understand you. The successful man spits something into his hand.
Youve got to keep your worms warm. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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The Diaper |
| One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.
The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.
Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.
"Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"
The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Ohio Crazy Law |
It is illegal to mistreat anything of great importance.
Owners of tigers must notify authorities within one hour if the tiger escapes.
It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July.
Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined \$25.00.
It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.
Bay Village
It is illegal to walk a cow down Lake Road.
Bexley
Ordinance number 223, of 09/09/19 prohibits the installation and usage of slot machines in outhouses.
Clinton County
Any person who leans against a public building will be subject to fines.
Cleveland
It's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license!
Women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear.
Columbus
It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.
Fairview Park
It's against the law to honk your horn "excessively". A grandmother was fined for honking her horn twice at her neighbor.
Items left on a tree lawn become city property. A young man was fined for removing an item from a tree lawn even though he had the owner's permission.
Ironton
Cross-dressing is against the law.
Lima
Any map that does not have Lima clearly stated on the map cannot be sold.
Lowell
It is unlawful to run a horse over five miles per hour.
Marion
You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards on a city street.
North Canton
It is against the law to roller skate without notifying the police.
McDonald
Your goose may not paraded down Main Street.
Oxford
It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Paulding
A policeman may bite a dog to quiet him.
Toledo
Throwing a snake at anyone is illegal.
Strongsville
Catch 22 is banned.
Youngstown
Riding on the roof of a taxi cab is not allowed.
You may not run out of gas.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 2.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Boomerang |
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick... |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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Studying Up for the Big Test
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"Why do you keep reading the Bible everyday?" the teenage girl asked her grandfather.
"Well, it's a bit like cramming for your final exam," said Granddad. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth |
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Three college friends, one each from the Universities of Oxford, Cambridge and Loughborough, decided to pool their funds and go to the Olympics in Barcelona. The airfare and hotel rates ate up most of their money so they didn’t have enough to get into the stadium to see the events.
So they stood around the gate |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
| An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. “As you are fitting her glasses, if she asks how much they cost, you say ‘\$150.’ “If her eyes don’t flutter, say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be \$100.’ “If her eyes still don’t flutter, you add, ‘Each.’†|
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "OK, What do you want for Christmas?"
"Something for my mother," said the young lady.
"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you!" smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?"
Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.8/10 (5 votes cast) |
| The world’s largest rodent-carving is absolutely hew-mongoose. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Act of Gods |
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.
Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.
Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children is an Act of God!!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to
the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to
wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used
his hands. When he got back to class his teacher
asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy
said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand
he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principals office and
the principal asked him, 'What do you have in
your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do
you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and
if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and
said, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So again the little boy said, 'A little
leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared
away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open
your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared
the crap out of him.' |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.9/10 (10 votes cast) |
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Newest Son-In-Law #joke |
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 6.9/10 (9 votes cast) |
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