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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Jan the 3rd 2010
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Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Aftermarket SUV Entertainment System |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Cutest Baby Chicks Ever |
| Why do baby chicks say cheap, cheap, cheap? Because they cant say expensive, expensive, expensive! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Redneck Tests |
| Do you qualify to be a redneck? Find out below!
* You might be a redneck if your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
* You might be a redneck if you're considered an expert on worm beds!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck!
* You might be a redneck if you sell your car for gas money.
* You might be a redneck if your wife wears the same underwear as you do.
* You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard!
* You might be a redneck if there has ever been a crime scene tape across your bathroom door!
* You might be a redneck if you believe books are bad luck!
* You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own!
* You might be a redneck if the most common phrase in your house is, "Someone go jiggle the handle."
* You might be a redneck if one of your kids was born on a pool table!
* You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.
* You might be redneck if your house has more miles on it than your car!
* You might be a redneck if your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table!
* You might be a redneck if you learned to drive in a monster truck!
* You might be a redneck if "Bambi" made you hungry for rabbit!
* You might be a redneck if you believe All-Star Wrestling!
* You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck! |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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History Of The Bagpipes |
Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Two Boll Weevils |
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his Grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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An Apocalyptic One-Liner
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Every time someone predicts the date of the end of the world, God pushes the date back a little just to be funny. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Oxymorons |
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
when we are already there?
10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
I dunno, why do we?
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.1/10 (7 votes cast) |
| In today's news...32 more planets were found outside of our solar system bringing the total to 400. And..., not a sign of intelligent life, not even here. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" replied the teacher.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
| After a long drive your joints may stiffen and you could get carthritis. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Age Quote |
I have found at my age that going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to Grow in the middle.
Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What Could hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his Doctor instead of by the police.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that Will get you home earlier.
You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only Thing you care to exercise.
At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 6.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
| Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word
'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"
Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."
Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"
"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."
Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:
"Does a fart have lumps?"
The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"
"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 7.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
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A Child Sent To Their Bed #joke #humor |
A small boy is sent to bed by his father...
[Five minutes later]
"Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Da-aaaad..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Travel photos
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