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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Jan the 5th 2010
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Workspace Fail |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 4.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Blonde Ice Fishing |
| A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. The very scared blonde raised her head and said, Is that you, Lord? The voice answered, NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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An Amish girl |
| An Amish girl and her mother were driving their buggy one day in the winter, when the girl told her mom that her hands were cold. She said to put them between her legs, so she did.
The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he said to the girl that his hands were cold. The girl said to put them between her legs and he did.
The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy again and he told the girl that his nose was cold and she told him to put it between her legs, so he did.
The next day the girl and her boyfriend were riding in the buggy and he told her that his penis was frozen solid, so she told him to put it between her legs and he did.
The next day the girl was riding in the buggy with her mother and asked her if she knew what a penis was. She replied, "Yes, why?"
"Because they sure do make a mess when they thaw out." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Play As James Bond |
Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.
"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."
"Batted .007," his wife added.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Friendly Americans! |
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale.
Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
I want you to know that this is not the game I usually play," snapped an irate golfer to his caddie.
"I should hope not, sir. But tell me," enquired the caddie, "what game do you usually play?" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A Prayer Upon Waking
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Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.4/10 (7 votes cast) |
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from
work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my
way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more
than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off
any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner
and
before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed
delightedly:
'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took
a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone
rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned
and went
to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over
a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap
and fanned the air around me vigorously..
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room,
I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells
signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more
times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back
on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned,
apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through
the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests
seated
around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a cat?
A: One is an arrogant creature that will claw you out of house and money, and the other is a cat.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.
"What the heck did you do that for?!!" the man screams.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
The man says, "No I don't, but my wife out in the car still does!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
| Just before getting married, women may ask their fiancés to get a preen-up. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Second Opinion |
| My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too! |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ? |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 7.0/10 (22 votes cast) |
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Getting Revenge with Marriage #humor #joke |
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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