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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Jan the 9th 2010
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NOTE:
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Bed-ta Carotene |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Art Gallery Nudes |
| A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesnt like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks, What are you waiting for? The husband replies, Autumn. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Strange people are here |
| There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.
'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.'
'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.'
'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.' |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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How Old Are You? |
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| A CUSTOMER walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: "£500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!"
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye bread. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five £100 notes down on it and says: "You got me that time mate, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Japanese Food |
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the Heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A blonde, a redhead, and brunette decided to go on a hike. The redhead said, "I brought water, so in case we get thirsty, we will have something to drink." And she started up the hill.
The brunette said, "I brought food, so in case we get hungry, we will have something to eat." And she started up the hill.
The brunette and the redhead turned around and asked the blonde, "What'd you bring?"
The blonde said, "I brought a car door. In case we get hot, we can roll down the window. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies" She asked,
"How many have forgiven your enemies?" About half held up their hands.
She repeated the question, now about 80% raised their hands.
She repeated the question again, all raised their hands except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any" she responded.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three" she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, would you please come forward and explain to the
congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said:.................................................
"It's easy. I just outlived those bitches." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| A guy walks into Dunkin’ Donuts. He says. “Excuse me; miss … how many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?” The girl says, “I think it’s a seven-cup thermos.” The guy says, “All right …. Give me two black, three cream and sugar.” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?"
"No..." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| Which reptile always says hello? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Volvo |
An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. "If you get in the car," the driver says, "I'll give you \$10 and a piece of candy."
The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an answer, the man driving the car pulls over again. "How about \$20 and two pieces of candy?" The boy tells the man to leave him alone and keeps on walking. Still further down the road the man pulls over to the side road. "Ok," he says, "This is my final offer. I'll give you \$50 and all the candy you can eat."
The little boy stops, goes to the car and leans in. "Look," he shouts to the driver. "You bought the damned Volvo, Dad. You'll just have to live with it!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighborhood, trying to find a job.
She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.
He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done.
"Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean." his wife replied.
Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man.
The astonished man handed her a \$100 bill, and asked how she finished it so quickly.
"It takes time, but it was easy." was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a Porsche." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.1/10 (10 votes cast) |
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Dealing With a Lawyer in Heaven #joke #humor |
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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