Jokes of the day for Thursday, 14 January 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 14 January 2010
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (85)

Bright Idea

On the first day of third grade, Little Johnny's teacher was conducting a game to break the ice for the new students.

The appointed student was to describe their father's profession in five words. The rest of the class were challenged to guess what the work was, and the correct answer allowed them to be next in line.

Much to her dismay, she noticed that she had bad Little Johnny again this year. Hoping to avoid him at all costs, she first started the game with Little Suzy. Little Suzy walked to the front of the class, drew back her shoulders, and proudly announced, "My Daddy cuts people open."

Hands shot up all over the room, and the teacher noticed that Little Johnny was the only one who didn't raise his hand. Fatty Sims guessed correctly that her father was a surgeon, and took his turn. He stood in the front of the room and said, "My Daddy locks people up."

Again hands shot up.......all except for Little Johnny. The game went on all afternoon, until all but Little Johnny had a turn. The teacher asked, "Little Johnny, do you want the class to guess what your Daddy does?"

"Yeah" he said, and almost bounded up to the front of the room.

"My Daddy eats light bulbs."

The teacher was a bit taken aback by this and asked, "He eats light bulbs? Really? How do you know?"

"Well, Teach, every night I hear him tell Momma, "Cut out the light! I want to eat that thang!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (20)

T.G.I.F.

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by msaying "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T." The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest msmile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression,"S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?" The man answered, "S-H-I-T, S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Thursday, 14 January 2010

Funny video of the day Thursday, 14 January 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (6)

Women with beautiful hands adv...

Women with beautiful hands advertise bracelets, rings, nail polish.

Women with beautiful legs advertise stockings, tights, shoes.

Women with beautiful breasts advertise bras, swimsuits, T-shirts, cars, washing machines, computer games, candy, furniture ...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Where is this place? #humor #joke

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Refreshment Bomb

Refreshment Bomb | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

It's late, the bartender and a...

It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"

The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else.

The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (49)

Few know where the the practic...

Few know where the the practice of skinny dipping came from. It has murky organs.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Guess the Game Name

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The undertaker called the next...

The undertaker called the next of kin to confirm the funeral arrangements desired for the dear departed. As luck would have it the son-in-law who was actually delighted to be red of the old battle-ax answered the phone.
“We’re sorry to disturb you in this time of personal grief,” the undertaker uttered solemnly, “but appears to be some confusion as to whether the body of the loved one is to be buried or cremated.”
“Let’s not take any chances,” “Do both” said the son-in-law.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A car was driving down the str...

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"
The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Blonde Password

During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Create...

Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve . .

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Went fishing, got caught...

A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue.silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says: "Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

What did the big chimney say t...

What did the big chimney say to the wee chimney? You can have my soot when I die.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Answering Machine Message 99


Beethoven's Fifth:
Nobody's home.
Why did you phone?
Please leave your message here when you have heard the tone,
And we will call you back as soon as we get home.
Your message here,
After the tone,
Here is the tone... tone... BEEP

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

If you have a referee in footb...

If you have a referee in football, a referee in rugby and a referee in boxing, what do you have in bowls?
Prunes and custard

Bill McGarvie, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 50 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 January 2009
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

How do you make a supermodel l...

How do you make a supermodel laugh on a Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 January 2009
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

A young man about 25 years old...

A young man about 25 years old met an older woman at a bar last night.

She wasn't bad for about 50, so they drank and talked a little while.

Then she asked if he'd ever had the 'sportsman's double', a mother and daughter at the same time. The young man said no but he had thought about it.

So they drank a bit more. She then says that tonight was the young man's lucky night. They went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs, "Mom, are you still awake?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 January 2009
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.