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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Jan the 14th 2010
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NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Refreshment Bomb |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 99 |
Beethoven's Fifth:
Nobody's home.
Why did you phone?
Please leave your message here when you have heard the tone,
And we will call you back as soon as we get home.
Your message here,
After the tone,
Here is the tone... tone... BEEP
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| What did the big chimney say to the wee chimney? You can have my soot when I die.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Went fishing, got caught... |
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue.silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?" He says: "Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put he garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!
And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve . .
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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What Nationality Were Adam and Eve?
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A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Blonde Password |
During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"
The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
The undertaker called the next of kin to confirm the funeral arrangements desired for the dear departed. As luck would have it the son-in-law who was actually delighted to be red of the old battle-ax answered the phone.
“We’re sorry to disturb you in this time of personal grief,” the undertaker uttered solemnly, “but appears to be some confusion as to whether the body of the loved one is to be buried or cremated.”
“Let’s not take any chances,” “Do both” said the son-in-law.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding. As the officer approaches the car he can see that the man is very anxious about something.
"Good afternoon Sir. Do you know why I stopped you?"
"Yes, officer... I know I was speeding -- but it is a matter of life or death."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"There's a naked woman waiting for me at home."
"I don't see how that is a matter of life or death."
"If I don't get home before my wife does, I'm a dead man."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Few know where the the practice of skinny dipping came from. It has murky organs. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Lock, Stock and Barrel |
An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get the safe open.
The first locksmith told the entrepreneur that it would cost forty dollars to open the safe intact. However, tried as he might, he couldn't open it, and told the wealthy man that he had lost his money in buying the safe.
The entrepreneur then contacted another locksmith, a crusty, bent old man with three days' growth of white whiskers, who took a long look at the safe, noted its manufacturer and retired to his truck. Shortly, he returned with a power drill, a ruler, and a small, bent piece of metal.
The locksmith measured a few inches from the dial and marked an "x" at the "two o'clock" mark. It took more than half an hour for the old man to drill through the safe's door. He then took the bent metal, hooked it through the hole and fished around a few moments until a loud "CLICK" was heard. Turning the handle the door swung open slowly.
The safe was empty.
Disappointed, the entrepreneur turned to the locksmith and asked the charge for opening the safe.
"A hundred and twenty dollars," replied the locksmith.
"A hundred and twenty dollars?!" shouted the businessman, "That's outrageous! mThe other man only wanted forty! I want an itemized bill for it!"
"Okay." The locksmith turned on his heel and returned to his truck. A few mminutes later, the entrepreneur was presented with a dirty piece of paper upon which the locksmith had written:
"Charge for drilling hole --- \$20
Charge for knowing WHERE to drill hole --- \$100." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me \$50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the \$50!" The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me \$100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else. The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you \$200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner \$500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.7/10 (11 votes cast) |
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Where is this place? #humor #joke |
A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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