JOKES OF THE DAY

'Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.'

'Virginity like bubble. One prick and all gone.'

'Man who run in front of car get tired.'

'Man who run behind car get exhausted.'

'Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.'

'Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.'

'Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.'

'Man who scratches arse must not bite fingernails.'

'Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money.'

'Baseball all wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk.'

'Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.'

‘War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.'

'Man who sleep in cathouse by day sleep in doghouse by night.'

'Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.'

'It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.'

'Man who drive like hell bound to get there.'

‘Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.'

'Man who lives in glasshouse should change in basement.'

‘He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.'

'Man who farts in church sits in own pew.'

'Man with one chopstick go hungry.'

Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, were standing at heaven's gate, waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.

Jimmy: "How did you get here?"

Johnny: "Hypothermia. You?"

Jimmy: "You won't believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole thing I had a massive heart attack."

Johnny: "Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer we'd both be alive!"

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, and then He rested.

Then God created man, and then they both rested.

Then God created woman, and since then neither God nor man has ever rested.


This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"