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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Jan the 23rd 2010
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Go on and get some! |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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If Microsoft built cars |
| Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:
1. A Particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
3. Occassionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this.
4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you would have to buy more seats.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. Wait a second, it's that way NOW!
6. Sun Microsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.
8. People would get excited about thew new features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).
10. Ford, General Motors, and Chrylser would all be complaining because Microsoft was putting radios in all its models. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Buying A New Farm |
A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of \$200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants \$200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about \$199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has \$1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's \$1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."
"Comfortable?" the guy questions.
"Yes, you see she reads slow."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?"
"Two years." replies the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Honey, has anyone ever told you.... |
After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?"
The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't."
The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Top Ten Least Popular Self Help Books
10. "Lie Your Sweet Ass Off And Become A Millionaire"
9. "Choking Coaches For The Soul" by Latrell Sprewell
8. "Combing! The Revolutionary New Way To Adjust Your Hair"
7. "How To Win Friends And Influence People In The Bus Station Men's Room"
6. "If You Want To Lose Weight, Just Stop Eating, You Fat Cow"
5. "George Michael's Do-It-Yourself Handbook"
4. "Five Simple Steps To Reducing All Human Problems To An Over-Generalized Formula"
3. "8 Weeks To A Sweatier You"
2. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, At Least One Teletubby Is From The West Village"
1. "It's Hopeless" by Jack Kevorkian |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Who Shot the Big Buck?
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Three friends decided to go hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot at the same time and the buck dropped immediately. The hunting party rushed to see how big it actually was. Upon reaching the fallen deer, they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole.
A debate followed concerning whose buck it was. When a game warden came by, he offered to help. A few moments later, he had the answer.
He said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!" The friends were amazed that he could determine that so quickly and with so little examination. The game warden just smiled. "It was easy to figure out. The bullet went in one ear and out the other."
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks.
"May I ask what you're building?" asks the man behind the counter.
"It's going to be a barbecue."
"Wow, that's a lot of bricks for one barbecue."
"Not really. You see, I live on the 12th floor." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| Three young boys were boasting about their grandpas. The first boy said: "My grandpa is a great swimmer. He can swim for hours before getting out of the water!" The second boy said, "That's nothing. My grandpa always goes swimming at 6:00 in the morning every day, and only comes back at 9:00 pm because my mom says he has to!" The third boy says, "Your grandpas are both bad at swimming! My grandpa started swimming in this pond 20 years ago, and he hasn't come out since!!!" |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"
Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?"
Bridegroom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?"
Bride: "MY mother? I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| When a mathematician suffers a flesh wound, he should apply a Gauzian distribution of bandages. And remember to use Fermat pressure. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Young Wife |
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of \$250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money." "Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please....tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.0/10 (11 votes cast) |
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