|
Jokes of the day
|
|
Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
|
|
Bookmark jokes of the day:
|
Use this button to add jokes of the day to favourites, del, digg, myspace. Make jokes just click away wherever you are.
|
|
Missed jokes of the day yesterday?
|
|
Visit Jokes of the day archive
- all the Jokes of the day you have missed. All jokes since Jokes of the day site is running.
|
|
Note:
|
|
All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
|
|
Jokes of the day for Monday, Jan the 25th 2010
|
NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
on some browsers (internet explorer and opera). It is fixed now, so please feel free to
check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
|
|
Why did the city build a graveyard... |
| Q: Why did the city build a graveyard across the street from the retirement home? A: So all the old people can see there futures! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
|
Wife and Washing Mac |
| Q. Whats the difference between your wife and your washing machine?
A. You don't have to hug your washing machine for twenty minutes after you dump your load in it. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
|
What Causes People To Have Arthritis? |
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
|
Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?"
"Two years." replies the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"
|
Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
|
The Single Guy... |
Man walks into a supermarket and buys :
1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner
The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?" The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?" She replies "because you're ugly."
|
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a
quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he
should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?", she asks, softly stroking
his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," the man replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,"
she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I’m afraid I can’t," breathes the bartender. "Is
there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,"
she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.
"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper
or hand soap in the ladies room." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
|
Lying is a Sin
|
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
|
Question A Drunk |
Why You Should Never, Ever, Question A Drunk...
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right.
I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said , 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'
The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.
|
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 3.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
Four college friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to Dallas and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Austin until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Dallas for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Over a remote Scottish island a helicopter lost power and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily there was a small cottage nearby. The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door. “Is there a mechanic in the area?” he asked the woman who answered the door. She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds. “No,” she finally said, pointing down the road, “but we do have a McArdle and a McKay.”
|
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed... just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk, asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed - you'll be thrown right to the floor!"
So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
|
Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| How does the the Baseball Bible start? |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
|
A Jealous Husband |
A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he wanted video of his wife's activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man! He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with utter glee.
"I just can't believe this," the distraught husband said.
The detective said, "What's not to believe? It's right up there on the screen!"
The husband replied, "I can't believe that my wife could be so much fun!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket to find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at
the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking the husband cries out,
"WATCH OUT FOR THE WALL" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
|
|
|
Travel photos
|
|
Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day
|
|
Webmaster resurces
|
|
On jokes of the day webmaster resurces page please find details
related to link exchange or other forms of cooperation with Jokes of the day
|
|
Jokes resources
|
|
Resources - web sites jokes are coming from, other joke related sites. Jokes of the day partners.
|
|
|
