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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Jan the 26th 2010
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NOTE:
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Please!! Take Me With You! |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Redneck Marriage |
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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What do blondes say |
| Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Louvre Me Alone |
| A guy in Paris steals several paintings from the Louvre Museum. But after he gets them out past security, his van runs out of gas two blocks away from the museum and he gets caught. The police ask how he could mastermind such a complex crime and then make such a moronic error. The thief replies, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the van Gogh." |
Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A man runs to the doctor and says: "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks: How long was she had this condition?"
"Two years." replies the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the doctor. The man shrugs his shoulders and replies: "We needed the eggs"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
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The lucky old man! |
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
"Well," says the old fellow, "I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast and then we make love. In the afternoon she makes me a wonderful lunch and then we make love. At dinner time she makes me a wonderful supper and then we make love."
The policeman looks at the old man and says, "You shouldn't be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!"
So the old man says, "I know! I'm crying because I don't remember where I live!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Baptizing in the Spirit
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Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalam, George's mother-in-law died.
With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the states for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the
mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the states for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as \$5,000.00.
The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost \$150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much consdering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead !
I just can't take that chance. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
| I was going to tell you the joke about the pencil, but there's really no point to it. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately.
After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram: "The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday..."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| At the United Nations Conference on Poultry in Pecking, China, several accords were discussed, including a complicated capon-trade system. But as the cluck was winding down on the agreement, many nations cried fowl, arguing that capon-trade would only lead to more hen-some profits for agribusinesses, and real progress would be nothing but chicken feed. In order to lay down their yolks, developing nations staged a coop! Their leader made a speech, saying “When all people, white and dark, meat, there is hope.” This democratic gesture inspired everyone, even nations whose broil kings were in attendance. But the cynical members of the global press downplayed the developments, just drank a lot of Wild Turkey and got totally basted. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Kilted Scotsman |
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.
As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, `I`ve always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.` She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth. Her friend said, `Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!` So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around his manhood, and the two walked away.
Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said, `I don know where y`been lad...but it`s nice ta`know y`won first prize!` |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 5.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
| Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 4.4/10 (9 votes cast) |
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Pay for your past bills #joke #humor |
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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