JOKES OF THE DAY

Their son walked in and said "whats that mean?".

The parents told him it meant ladies and gentlemen.

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the woman said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick".

Their son walked in and asked "whats that mean?" and the parents said it meant hats and coats.

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "shit" he said, the kid came in, "whats that mean?" and the man said that it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Downstairs the mom was preparing the turkey and she cut herself with the knife, "fuck" she said, once again ther kid came in and said "whats that mean?"

The mom said thats was what she was doing to the turkey, then the door bell rang and the kid answered the door to see his relatives for thanksgiving, the kid said, "alright you bastards and bitches, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is down here fucking the turkey!

These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home an hour later from a completely different direction thus, trying to divert suspicion from themselves.

Upon returning, their father approached them with switch in hand and bellowed, "Did you two push the outhouse over this afternoon?"

The older boy replied, "As learned in school, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, Father, we pushed over the outhouse this afternoon."

At this revalation, the farmer proceeded to punish the two boys severely and sent them to bed without supper.

In the morning, the two boys meekly approached the breakfast table and took their seats. Everything was quiet until their father finally said, "Have you two learned your lesson?"

"Sure, Dad!" said the big brother, "But, in school we learned that George Washington admitted to HIS father that he'd chopped down a cherry tree and he was forgiven because he told the truth."

"Ah yes!' said the farmer, "BUT, George's DAD, wasn't in the cherry tree when he chopped it down!!!"

After church, little Johnny and his brother go ice fishing. Little Johnny starts drilling on the ice when a voice from above says, "Young man, there's no fish down there.”

Little Johnny asks his brother, "Who is that?"

His brother replies, "I don't know."

So little Johnny starts to drill again and the voice says again, "For the second time, there's no fish down there."

Little Johnny asks his brother, "Could that be God?"

His brother replies again, "I don't know."

Little Johnny starts drilling again and the voice says once more, "Young man, for the last time, I'm telling you there's no fish down there."

Johnny looks up and asks, "Is that you, God?"

The voice says, "No, I'm the manager and the rink's closed."


- Joke shared by Beliefnet member bruceg1220

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me \$5.00, and vise versa.

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me \$5.00, and, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you \$500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a \$5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her \$500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer \$5.00, and goes back to sleep.