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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Feb the 2nd 2010
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Choir Boy Candle Holders WTF |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Picture is unrelated - WTF Pictures and WTF videos
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Intelligent Preference |
Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?
A: Opposites attract. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Coffee Breaks |
| Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It
takes too long to retrain them. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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California Crazy Law |
Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.
Bathhouses are against the law.
In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
Women may not drive in a house coat.
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
Arcadia
Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.
Alhambra
You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.
Baldwin Park
Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
Belvedere
City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Blythe
You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
Burlingame
It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.
Carmel
Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)
Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.
Chico
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a \$500 fine.
Downey
It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).
Hollywood
It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.
Lafayette
You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.
Lodi
It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".
Lompoc
It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.
Long Beach
It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.
Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.
Los Angeles
Toads may not be licked.
You may not hunt moths under a street light.
It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of \$500 and/or six months in prison.
You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
Zoot suits are prohibited.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.
It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
Ontario
Roosters may not crow in the city limits.
Pacific Grove
Molesting butterflies can result in a \$500 fine.
Palm Springs
It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.
Pasadena
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
Prunedale
Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.
Redlands
Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.
Riverside
One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.
San Diego
The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to \$250.
It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.
San Francisco
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.
Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.
It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.
It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.
San Jose
It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595
Santa Monica
You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.
Temecula
Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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The new dads! |
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets.
"That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; his wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap.
The wife, to escape her snoring husband, decided to take the boat out. Since she was not familiar with the lake, she rowed out to the middle, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside and said, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing here?"
"Reading a book," she replied, thinking, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. You can see that, surely."
"But you have all the equipment, ma'am. I'll have to write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," returned the irate woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," the sheriff objected.
"That's true; but you have all the equipment."
THE MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Manners |
Sitting together on a train was Obama, George Bush Jr., a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.
The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him.
Obama thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
George Bush thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Udurawana, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and Udurawana gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets.
He found only 25 cents.
The exasperated robber exclaimed "What the hell.
Why were you fighting for only 25 Cents"
Udurawana replied "Oh. You were only after this 25 Cents is it ? I thought you were after the Rs.1,000 I have hidden in my left shoe". |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
The judge warned the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?” “I do.”
“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”
“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| After Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger’s writing career stayed in a Holden pattern. And he would never field any cauls. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Getting Screwed |
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Tits! Grab my Tits!"
The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.
She explained that she wanted to return the nonworking toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.
Once again she yelled, "Grab my Tits! Grab my Tits!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, "Because I like my tits grabbed when I'm getting screwed!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
What does the starship enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?
They both circle around uranus and wipe out klingons. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Crossing the Border #joke #humor |
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.
"Sand," said the cyclist.
"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.
The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.
A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?"
"Bicycles!"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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