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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Feb the 4th 2010
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NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Looking Like A Fool With Your Pants On The Ground |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Someone comming |
| A guy rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.
He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor guy breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..." He precedes her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall completely open. She purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
The flustered, embarrassed guy stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out "Oh, it's got to be your ears!"
She's astounded! Why my ears? Looks at these boobs! They are full, don't sag, and they're all mine! My butt - it's firm, doesn't sag, and has no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!"
Clearing his throat once again, he stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - THAT WAS ME!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Baked Beans |
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
She loved them but unfortunately,they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him
that she would be late because she had to walk home.
On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home.
So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have
a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She
seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold
from his wife,the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned.
He then went to answer the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertiliser truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage.
Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room,
she went on like this for another ten minutes.
When the telephone farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologising for taking so long.
He asked her if she peeked and she assured him that she had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold ... and she was surprised!!
There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!!!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A shocking anniversary |
A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago!"
The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and they make love like never before!
Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never moved like that forty year ago -- or any time since that I can remember."
The woman says, "Forty years ago that damn fence wasn't electrified!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
There is a girl in her bedroom and her father opens the door and sees her with a 10 inch dildo in her hand. He asks her what it's for.
She says "You know dad, I'm pretty ugly and not very appealing to men at all and I have to get my pleasure somehow."
So he just closes the door and leaves the room. One week later, the girl walks into the fathers den and sees him standing there with a drink in one hand and the 10 inch dildo in the other. She says "Dad, what are you doing with that?!"
The father says "I'm having a drink with my son-in-law!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Bertha Belch and Other Bloopers
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Church Bulletin
- "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
- Ushers will eat latecomers.
- Miss Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
Church Marquee
- Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
- Under same management for thousands of years.
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the ki tchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me
when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think
I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels
like when I'm driving."
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 8.2/10 (5 votes cast) |
| A lawyer phoned the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaimed the lawyer. After some cajoling, the governor’s assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” beg the attorney. “Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortuary,” replied the governor. |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Cojonan O’Obrien really had balls standing up to NBC, after getting bumped by the Jay Jay. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Relationships |
| "Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." |
Permalink | Source : Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
Rating: 7.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."
The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."
Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."
Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.4/10 (17 votes cast) |
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