JOKES OF THE DAY

Then one day this man comes out of nowhere and starts banging on the door.

The priest opens the door and sees that the man has no arms.

The priest asks him, "How can you ring the bell?"

The man said, "Let me show you."

So they went up to the top of the bell tower and the man started hitting the bell with his head.

The bell starts to swaying and the man misses, and then he goes flying through the window.

Two more priests come running and ask, "What happened? Who was that?"

The second priest said, "I don't know but that face sure rings a bell!"

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

Due to the rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: God Is Good--Dr. Hargreaves is better.

This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.

Said during a congregational prayer when leading prayer for unsaved loved ones: “Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones.”

Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.”

On a church postcard: “I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I would like a personal call.”

Church sign: “Jesus Saves!” Safeway sign across the street: “Safeway saves you more!”


- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page

The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes!

I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!" The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"

The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"