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Jokes of the day for Monday, Feb the 22nd 2010
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A man sits down at a bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another double martini. The barman says: "I'll bring you martinis all night but why do you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." -- --David Letterman
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.
"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government
official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his
wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the
damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in
your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a
minute and then calmly replied.
'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes,
no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the
work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all
night having sex.' Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man
dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Completing his examination of the uncommonly well-built, beautiful blonde, the doctor said solemnly, "You are a very sick young lady. I don't want you returning to work this afternoon. Go home, get undressed, and get into bed. Drink about a third of this bottle of medicine I'm preparing for you - it will make you drowsy. I don't want you to answer your phone or let anybody into your apartment... until you hear three short knocks."
A little boy wanted \$100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the \$100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a \$5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the \$5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted \$95.00.
