Jokes of the day for Monday, 22 February 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 22 February 2010
  • Currently 9.60/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (52)

Three businessmen were having ...

Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it.

"It's a business expense," said one.

"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."

"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Pets are forbidden in brothels...

Pets are forbidden in brothels, unless they are hos broken.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Monday, 22 February 2010

Funny video of the day Monday, 22 February 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (4)

A tourist stopped a local in a...

A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

The US government is throwing ...

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don't know which side to spit on!
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Put Your Arms Up In The Ayer

Put Your Arms Up In The Ayer | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Where Did the White Man Go Wrong

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.' Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

The Best Way to Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

"Rumors are that the reas...

"Rumors are that the reason Dick Cheney didn't say anything about the hunting accident for about 24 hours was because he had been drinking. And I'm thinking, well jeez, he was probably drinking when we planned the invasion of Iraq." -- --David Letterman
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

Water in the carburetor...

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Knock Knock Collection 111


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kit!
Kit who?
Kit me quick!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kitty!
Kitty who?
Kittyzen Kane!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Koch!
Koch who?
Koch in the act!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kristin!
Kristin who?
Kristin the baby in church!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kurt & Conan!
Kurt & Conan who?
Kurt & Conan down down on the last act!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Blonde Pharmacists

Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?

A: They can't figure out how to fit the perscription bottle

in the typewriter.

Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Bin Laden vs Custer

What do Osama bin Laden and Custer have in common? They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

A man sits down at a bar and o...

A man sits down at a bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another double martini. The barman says: "I'll bring you martinis all night but why do you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
#joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (45)

A little boy wanted $100.0...

A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 November 2009
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (49)

Pupil: Please Miss, would you...

Pupil: Please Miss, would you punish someone for something they didn't do?
Teacher: No, Of course not!!
Pupil: Oh good, Because i haven't done my homework!!!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 7.31/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (35)

Entrance Exam

A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.
The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 3.81/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (32)

Schoolboy doing homework: Dad,...

Schoolboy doing homework: Dad, how do you spell "erbivore"? Dad: Don't you mean "herbivore"? Schoolboy: No -- I've got the "h" down already.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Real News Headlines 05


These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Got Cha

On their way home after celebrating their

25th anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful

evening.

"Oh. it's not over yet", says the husband.

Once in the house, he gives her a little black

velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, "But

what are these two little pills?"

"Aspirin", says he.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 February 2009
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

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