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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Feb the 23rd 2010
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NOTE:
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Colorful Cooling Solution |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : There I fixed it - photos of ur handiwork!
Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Pete Holmes: Employee Discount |
| What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think its just take it? |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Easy pick up |
| Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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The Reason For Running |
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A man sits down at a bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another double martini. The barman says: "I'll bring you martinis all night but why do you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.6/10 (17 votes cast) |
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Have you been drinking? |
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Clocks in Heaven
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A man died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets him and says, "Welcome. Come walk with me and I'll show you where you'll be staying."
As they're walking along the path he notices clocks on the Golden Fence of Heaven. He asks St. Peter, "What are all those clocks for?"
St. Peter replies, "They’re clocks for every person in the world. They click once for each time you lie."
By the time they reach where the man is staying, he asks out of curiosity, "I didn't see any politicians’ clocks. Where are they kept?"
St. Peter calmly replies, "People here use them as fans."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2010 |
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2010
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach a person to use the Internet, and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ....
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 3
Why does a 'slight' tax increase cost you \$200.00, and a 'substantial' tax cut saves you \$30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2010
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers:
What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow!
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Yo momma so damn heavy that when she stands on the scales to get weighed it says "TO BE CONTINUED!" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Doctor my son swallowed my pen, what do I do?
Use a pencil until I get there.
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Three businessmen were having dinner at a club. When it came time to pay the check, each grabbed for it.
"It's a business expense," said one.
"I'll pay," said the second. "I'm on cost plus."
"Let me have it," argued the third. "I'm filing for bankruptcy next week."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
| The man with pickle breath lived in a very dill adapted house, near Ogorki Park. He grew pink cornichons in his garden. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch. |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 7.0/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Boss Wants Too Much #joke #humor |
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."
And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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