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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Feb the 25th 2010
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My life is a cliche |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : That will buff out - funny auto escapade
Rating: 6.3/10 (18 votes cast) |
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Pete Holmes: I Love New York |
| There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. Think about that, thats true. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour -- theres always something to blame it on. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.3/10 (12 votes cast) |
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God and Eve in the Garden |
| One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...
"Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this
beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that
hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create
a man for you."
"What's a 'man,' Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits.
He'll lie,>cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give
you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like
to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but
since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such in a
way that he will satisfy your ah, physical needs. He'll be
witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and
kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also
need your advise to think properly.
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"What's the catch, Lord?"
"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring . .
. So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first . .
. So, just remember . . . it's our secret . . . Woman to
woman." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.7/10 (18 votes cast) |
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Bank Robber Stealing |
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
LOS ANGELES TIMES, December 9:
A man walked into a branch of the Antelope Valley Bank and handed a teller a note demanding money. The man had one hand in his pocket, as if holding a gun, so the teller began handing over the contents of her cash drawer.
When she had forked over \$7,000 the robber said, "That's enough" and walked out the door. It's hard to find a bank robber who knows when he's had enough.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.4/10 (18 votes cast) |
| A man sits down at a bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders another. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders another double martini. The barman says: "I'll bring you martinis all night but why do you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies: "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.6/10 (17 votes cast) |
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Walking with a lantern... |
Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy ?" The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.2/10 (11 votes cast) |
A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass the female, he told her to enter penis. Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response...
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!!! |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.8/10 (11 votes cast) |
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A Yogi Walked into a Pizza Parlor…
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What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a \$20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 4.9/10 (16 votes cast) |
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An Aniversary |
Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids,all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon, "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift."
"Not to worry" said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today."
Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad". I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you".
"It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."
Just then the daughter,a marketing executive, arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary! I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything."
After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time.
You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children gasped and all said, "You mean we're bastards?"
"Yep," said the father, "and cheap ones too!"
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (13 votes cast) |
| A mother mouse and her three children crept out of their hole into the kitchen and began feasting on some delicious bits of food. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Mother Mouse saw a cat slinking toward them. The cat was between the mice and their hole. The mother muse puffed up her lungs and went, “Woof! Woof!” The cat turned tail and ran. With that, the mother quickly led her children back to safety in their hole. When they were settle and breathing normally, Mother Mouse said to her children. “Now, what’s the lesson from that experience?” “We don’t know,” the baby mice squeaked. “It is this,” said Mother Mouse. “It’s always good to know a second language.” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.6/10 (15 votes cast) |
A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 8 bucks an hour starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 10 bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"
"In 3 months."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 4.4/10 (16 votes cast) |
An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with
spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was
bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup
around his eyes. The old man kept looking at him. The boy said,
"What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in
your life?"
The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once
and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.5/10 (13 votes cast) |
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