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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Feb the 27th 2010
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NOTE:
Last couple of days issue was noticed with funny video and funny image representation
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check funny videos and funny photos you have missed due to issue, using << Previous 'jokes of the day' link.
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Combo Multiplier |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
Rating: 5.5/10 (11 votes cast) |
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Charlie Murphy: 6.5 Billion People on the Planet |
| To put that number in perspective, 6.5 billion people is so many people that anything thats humanely imaginable, as you imagine it, somewhere on the planet, there is a motherf**ker doing it. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 6.6/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Chicken or the egg? |
| Which came first?
The chicken or the egg?
Neither... The rooster came first. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.9/10 (15 votes cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 32 |
Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (15 votes cast) |
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
Then a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right."
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.4/10 (22 votes cast) |
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Little Boy in Thunder Storm |
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."
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Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 7.2/10 (10 votes cast) |
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.
Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.6/10 (14 votes cast) |
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Match Made in Heaven
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A young couple were driving down the road one day, happily, deliriously in love and due to be married the next day. Suddenly, a large truck swerved from the oncoming lanes into their car! BOOM! And they both died.
At the Pearly Gates, the young couple confronted St. Peter. "Sir, you have to help us! We were to be married tomorrow. Is there any way we can be married in Heaven?"
"Hmmm," replied St. Peter, "I don't recall there ever being a marriage in Heaven. Well, let's take it up with God and see what he says."
So they approached God with their plea. God sat for a moment, pondering the request. Then he looked down and said, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
Five years later, the couple approached God again, even more in love than ever and pleading that he allow their marriage. God paused for quite a while, musing over their request. Then he spoke, "Come back in five years and ask me again."
And once again, five years later, the couple was again in the presence of God, more in love than ever and begging God's permission for the third time to marry. This time God smiled broadly and thundered, "Yes my children, you may marry!"
Well, the wedding went off beautifully, the reception was huge, everyone thought the bride was simply breathtaking and the groom was soooo handsome, and everyone was happy! Until...
Two years later, the couple was back before God, and things were not looking so good. The couple had come to the realization almost immediately that although marriages were made in heaven, they didn't last very long there! And, in spite of their struggles to come to terms with the situation, they had decided there simply was no alternative but to get a divorce.
Black clouds fractured by lightening rolled across the sky, and the ground shook with explosive thunder. God glared down at the tiny couple before him, his face becoming dark and angry, and he roared, "Divorce?! Impossible!!! It took us TEN years just to find a priest in Heaven! Do you have any idea how long it will take to find a LAWYER?!!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.4/10 (14 votes cast) |
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Apples |
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 6.6/10 (11 votes cast) |
What does the left leg of a blonde say to her right leg?
Nothing they have never met. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.4/10 (13 votes cast) |
A drunk guy approaches a cute girl in a singles bar. “Hi Babe, how about a date? He says. “Don’t waste your time. I never go out with a perfect stranger.”
“It seems we are both in luck. I’m far from perfect.”
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.3/10 (12 votes cast) |
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled.
"All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
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Permalink | Source : Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
Rating: 5.3/10 (13 votes cast) |
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's! |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 6.9/10 (9 votes cast) |
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Cop wants an excuse #humor #joke |
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.
Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"
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Permalink | Source : Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
Rating: 5.8/10 (13 votes cast) |
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