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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Mar the 8th 2010
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About To Fail |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Shane Mauss: Freakishly Skinny |
| Ive been freakishly skinny my entire life because theres a hole in my butt. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Is It Serious? |
| A man walks into his doctor and says "Doctor, doctor i have
a bit of an embarrising problem."
The doctor replies, "Okay, lets see it."
The man pulls down his pants and bends over to reveal a
lettuce leaf growing out his backside.
The man asks "Do you think it's serious?"
The doctor replies, "To tell you the truth it looks like
just the tip of the iceberg." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Bee Jokes 05 |
Q: Why did the queen bee kick out all of the other bees?
A: Because they kept droning on and on!
Q: What do you call a bee born in May?
A: A maybe!
Q: What kind of bee can't be understood?
A: A mumble bee!
Q: Where do bees keep their money?
A: In a honey box!
Q: What TV station do bees watch?
A: Bee bee c one!
Q: What did the bee say to the naughty bee?
A: Bee-hive yourself!
Q: Why did the bees go on strike?
A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Beacuse of the honey combs!
Q: What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
A: A bee is an aeroplane!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| While driving down the road a motorist passed a fairground and he noticed a fortune teller sitting under a canopy outside, laughing and smiling. The motorist drove on for a couple of miles down the road then spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. He pulled up next to the woman, jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her."What are you doing?" asked the injured woman. The man replied: "Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy m
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Grandma! |
A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly.
"That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows.
"I'm getting a Fax," he explained. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Baptizing in the Spirit
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Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests.”
“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”
“Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Police Quotes |
These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the
country. Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have
a sense of humor!
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through.'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket.'
8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs."
6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven.'
5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can.'
2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
AND THE WINNER IS.....
1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.' (In Calif.)
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.
However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.
Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance: "hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".
A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"
"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| about 3:30 in the morning, a wife wakes up to find she is alone in the bed and she can hear her husband crying uncontrollably. She gets up and starts to look for him. He's not in the bathroom, living room, or in the kitchen. As she passes the laundry room, she hears his faint sniffels coming from the basement. She turns on the light and goes downstairs to find him. Finally, she finds him huddled in the corner, rolled up into a ball, and crying hysterically. She runs over to him and asks why he is crying. He says, "Do you remember when we got married twenty (20) years ago?" She looks at him and says, "yes". He says, "well, a couple of months before, your dad said that I could marry you or go to jail." She says, "I already know that. I don't see what the problem is." He says, " don't you see!!! I would have gotten out today!" |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
| All it took to determine that the stray dog was stuck in a net was a cur-sieve glance . |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longerremember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre wherethey are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says,"This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walkonto the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just onefinger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline... 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled.All day long before the play he's practicing his line, over and overagain. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with greatpassion, he delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress".
The theatre erupted, the audience screamed with laughter... and thedirector was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor, quite bewildered, asked, "What happened, did I forget myline?" he asked.
"No!" the director screamed.... "You forgot the bloody rose!"
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Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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