Jokes of the day for Sunday, 02 May 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 02 May 2010
  • Currently 9.47/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (62)

Chelsea Handler: My First Midget

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away -- I dont think so.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

Six Minutes Late

There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.
You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''
George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late.''
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Sunday, 02 May 2010

Funny video of the day Sunday, 02 May 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (12)

Purchasing new brains #joke #humor

A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a Democrat's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a Democrat's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many Democrats we would have to use to get one ounce?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Daily Jokes - A Clean Joke Everyday!
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Do Japanese fisherman write Do Japanese fisherman write hook-u poems? Do MENSA members write high-IQs? Do doves write high-coos?
#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Summon The Cowbell Beast

Summon The Cowbell Beast | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (10)

An elegantly dressed woman ent...

An elegantly dressed woman entered the business office and approached an executive.
“Sir,” said the lady, “I am soliciting funds for the welfare and rehabilitation of wayward women. Would you care to donate?’ “Sorry,” replied the exec, “but I contribute directly.”!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

A married couple were asleep w...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
And his lovely wife replies, "I don't any idea who it was.
It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

"Information? I need the ...

"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (11)

The juggler....

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


Missing a layer of insulation in his attic.
Monorail doesn't go all the way to Tomorrowland.
Mooring lines don't reach the dock.
More marbles in a spray-paint can than brains in his head.
Mouth is in gear, brain is in neutral.
Moves his lips to pretend he's reading.
Must have ignored a knock-down pitch.
Nearly on a higher plane, but lost his boarding pass.
Needs another brain to make half-wit.
Needs both hands to wipe his behind.
Needs front end alignment.
Needs his disk checked/reformatted.
Needs his sleeves lengthened by a couple of feet so they can be tied in the back.
Network constantly loses packets.
Neurons are firing non-sequentially.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (15)

Feels great...

A fellow wakes up one morning, singing and whistling to himself, "I feel great, just great". Goes down to greet his wife, and tells her, "I feel great, honey!"

She replies,. "Well you look terrible"!

He shakes his head and starts out to work thinking, "She's probably in a bad mood, can't appreciate my good feelings". Meets his best friend, Joe and says, "Joe, I feel great".

Joe looks at him and says "Jeez, you really look terrible"! At this point the fellow is becoming worried and wonders, "Maybe I've got some unusual disease or something." He quickly calls his physician and heads on over for an emergency consult. He tells the physician, "Doc, I feel great, but everyone is telling me I look terrible."

The physician replies, "Well, you do look terrible. Let me look this up." The physician consults his handbook (Merck, of course) and leafing through the pages mutters to himself: "Feels great, looks great, no that's not you". "Feels terrible, looks terrible, no that's not you". "Feels great, looks terrible...Yes that's you... "It says here you're a vagina!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.18/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (39)

How do you tell a kebab to be ...

How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
Shh, kebab
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (44)

A sister and brother are talki...

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up and walks over to his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No."
The little boy goes on, "Please .. please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "No, now go play."
The little boy then says to his sister, "Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise."
So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, "Please make a frog noise."
The Grandpa says, "I just told your brother 'no' and I'm telling you 'no'." The little girl says, "Please .. please Grandpa make a frog noise." The Grandpa says, "Why do you want me to make a frog noise?"
The little girl replied, "Because mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 November 2009
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (52)

An Englishman wanted to become...

An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".
The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (38)

Birthday gift...

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember...."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2009
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

A guy comes home all excited. ...

A guy comes home all excited. "Honey, I've discovered a new position we can try to spice up our sex life!"

The wife asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies, "Back to back."

The woman thinks for a moment and says, "That's impossible. It can't be done."

The husband says, "Sure it can. And I've persuaded another couple to help us."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2009
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Puns, For the Educated Mind

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2009
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

IBM and Lightbulbs

How many IBM employees does it take to screw in a light bulb? 10,000: one to hold up the light bulb, and 9,999 to turn the building around.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 May 2009
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.