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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, May the 13th 2010
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Toilet Fan Fail |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Fail blog - Epic Fail Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments
Rating: 4.9/10 (8 votes cast) |
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Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School |
| People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 oclock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 oclock. Youll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.0/10 (11 votes cast) |
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Rosary and Two Martinis |
| A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of
Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the
priest a visit to see how he was doing.
The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he
didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary
and two martinis each day.
With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to
have a martini with me?"
The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice."
The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen,
"Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Scared Sleeping |
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever
come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.4/10 (11 votes cast) |
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Smarter than he seems... |
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.
They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.
One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger or what?"
Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved \$20!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (8 votes cast) |
Religious Bumper Stickers
Jesus Saves, Gretzky Scores!
Jesus is coming, look busy!
If God is your copilot, better change seats!
I believe in the big bang theory, God spoke and bang it happened.
If God created man in His image. Then what's wrong with you?
If you're living like there is no God, you'd better be right.
I get along with God just fine. It's his followers that I can't stand.
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
Heaven is a lonely place. Everybody thinks they're the only one going!
Caution: Non Exposure to the Son will cause burning!
Hell... Don't even go there
Welcome to eternity... will that be smoking or non smoking?
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school.
The problem with religious texts is that the answers aren't in the back, either.
Militant Agnostic - I don't know and you don't either!
O Lord, Save Me From Your followers.
Wanna come for a drive? It'll scare the hell out of you!
Don't drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.3/10 (7 votes cast) |
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper which outlined her requirements. She wanted a man who 1) would treat her nicely, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (12 votes cast) |
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:"Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:"Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
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Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 5.1/10 (13 votes cast) |
| Passing gas takes courage, aka intestinal fartitude. |
Permalink | Source : Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
Rating: 4.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
| A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:
"It's Adam's suit!!!!!" |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.6/10 (25 votes cast) |
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