Jokes of the day for Thursday, 20 May 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 20 May 2010
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Rating: 9.6/10 (303)

Be prepared for Christmas, check out our latest Christmas jokes and quotes on: Christmas jokes collectionThe Best Christmas jokes

The girl’s car couldn’t get st...

The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?”
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Who invented the Allen key? I ...

Who invented the Allen key? I have no Ikea.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Thursday, 20 May 2010

Funny video of the day Thursday, 20 May 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
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Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

One day Little Johnnie came ho...

One day Little Johnnie came home to his mum and said "Mummy i learned a new word today."

"What's that dear" his mother asked

"Masturbation" he replied

Shocked, his mother replied "Ohh thats a mouthful"

"No mummy thats a blowjob" he replied.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Patton Oswalt: Makeover Shows

All these shows like I Want a Famous Face and The Swan -- basically what that is, is people go on national TV, and they tell America, I dont like how I look. Im so against growing an original personality or developing charm, Id rather have someone take a knife to my skull.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Phoning Home

Phoning Home | Source : Jokes photos - Used to be - WTF Pictures and WTF videos - but site no longer exists
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Bedtime prayers

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

What did the big chimney say t...

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
"You're too young to smoke"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22, 30, 32, 34, 79) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Stupid Blonde Driver


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Blonde quickies 6

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?

A: Bucket seats.

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?

A1: Thanks Guys.

A2: Are you boys all in the same band?

A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?

A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?

A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?

A: So they know when to stop having sex !

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm????

A1: She drops her nail-file!!!

A2: Who cares?

A3: She say 'Next'

A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder

A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes

A6: I mean, who really cares?

A7: The batteries have run out.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?

A: Data transfer.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?

A: Because they don't know any better.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: "What's a lightbulb?"

A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

A married couple went to the h...

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 November 2009
  • Currently 6.06/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (66)

Serving Two Masters

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
"Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 September 2009
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (34)

An Australian was in Ireland. ...

An Australian was in Ireland. On his way to Belfast, he stopped
at a bar and asked one of the locals, "What's the quickest way
to Belfast?" The Irishmen asked, "Are you walking or driving?"
The Australian replied, "I'm driving!" The Irishman said, "Aye,
that'd be the quickest way!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 February 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (16)

Rodeo Sex

The following procedure describes the proper execution of the activity known as Rodeo Sex:

First you undress your wife (or favorite female friend) and put her down on all fours.

You then also undress and mount up from behind.

Next, with your left hand, you hold on to her left boob.

Your right hand is held waiving in the air.

At this time you lean forward and whisper in her ear "you know, your sister likes to do it this way too.." then you hold on as long as you can.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2009
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Animal football

One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.

Then came the second half...

First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.

The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.

"Who made that tackle?" asked the ant.

"I did," said the centipede.

Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.

Back in the huddle the flea asked, "Who made that great stop?" "I did," said the centipede.

Third play: The gorilla tries an end sweep, led by the hippo throwing the lead blocks. SMACK!! Centipede tackles him for a ten yard loss.

Back in the huddle, the gnat asked the centipede, "Where were you in the first half?"

The centipede replied, "Puttin' on my shoes!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2009
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

Meeting the Parents

A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because hes a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms hed like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.
That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, I had no idea you were this religious.
The boy turns and whispers back, I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2009
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (6)

Q: Why did th...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?


A: Because Ronald McDonald was after his nuggets.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

I Need Serious Advice...

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 May 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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