Jokes of the day for Friday, 21 May 2010

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 21 May 2010
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (122)

Mother asks little Johnny, as ...

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old". "And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. “When I get off the bus" answers Johnny.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Trivia Contest

I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point.
The last question was:
"Where do most women have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Funny video of the day Friday, 21 May 2010

Funny video of the day Friday, 21 May 2010 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Top 10 Signs that You've ...

Top 10 Signs that You've been Programming too long...

1) When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".

2) When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

3) When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.

4) When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

5) When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

6) When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

7) When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.

8) When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.

9) When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.

A) When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO ANGRY

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO ANGRY | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

Myq Kaplan: Not Encouraged to Be Smart

Youre not encouraged to be smart growing up. There are bullies and kids be like, Hey, Ill knock the books out of your hands. Now, neither of us can read.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

The runner....

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"

Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."

Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"

So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"

Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."

Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Find number abc

If a6449 + a68b4 = 1bcc0c find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

What do you get if you cross a...

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a koala?
Poo bear.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Short Cowboy Jokes


Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.86/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (14)

Anniversary

A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."

His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"

The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

A man was walking down the bea...

A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.

He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.

Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.

Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 November 2009
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (57)

A guy says, "I remember the fi...

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my p*nis stuck in the neck of the bottle
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 July 2009
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (9)

A helping hand....

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2009
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

A priest and a rabbi operated ...

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied.

The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2009
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (5)

Havaii or Hawaii

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced HaVaii or HaWaii.
They ask a passerby, who answers Havaii.
Thank you, says the satisfied first man.
Youre velcome, replies the passerby.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2009
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Alabama Farmer

What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?

A pimp.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2009
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Q: What is th...

Q: What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?


A: When you hit the mosquito, it stops sucking.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 May 2009
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

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