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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, May the 21st 2010
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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO ANGRY |
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Funny photo of the day Permalink | Source : Very Demotivational - Posters That Demotivate Us
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Patton Oswalt: Makeover Shows |
| All these shows like I Want a Famous Face and The Swan -- basically what that is, is people go on national TV, and they tell America, I dont like how I look. Im so against growing an original personality or developing charm, Id rather have someone take a knife to my skull. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Anniversary |
| A guy says, "For our Twentieth Anniversary, I'm taking my wife to Australia."
His friend says, "That's going to be tough to beat. What are you going to do for your Twenty-fifth Anniversary?"
The first guy says, "I'm going to go back and get her." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Short Cowboy Jokes |
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
"You're too young to smoke"
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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The runner.... |
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day, she was in bed with her boyfriend Ralph, when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph, "Hurry! grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband is home early!"
Ralph looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there."
Mary cried, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So, Ralph grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window. When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race, so he started running along side the others, only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home."
Then another runner asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Top 10 Signs that You've been Programming too long...
1) When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
2) When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
3) When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
4) When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.
5) When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"
6) When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.
7) When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want.
8) When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
9) When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
A) When you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Trivia Contest |
I lost the trivia contest at the church social last night by one point.
The last question was:
"Where do most women have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer is: Africa.
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Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my p*nis stuck in the neck of the bottle |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
| The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?” |
Permalink | Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, " You may have 3 wishes but whatever u wish for all the lawyers in the world will get double." The man agreed and said, " i want a million dollers." He got that and the lawyers got 2 million.
Next he said, " i want a ferrari." So he got one and all the lawyers got 2. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finnally he said," Well i've allways wanted to give a kidney." |
Permalink | Source : Laughspot - Free Daily Jokes, Ecards, & Games
Rating: 5.9/10 (19 votes cast) |
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